A wake for young souls

2007-04-11T09:23:00.000-04:00

I am completly wiped out. A muscle in my neck has been pulled, my sinuses are going crazy, I've lost my voice, my entire body aches, my head is constantly throbbing, and I can't get enough sleep.

Saturday - awake from 11am until 11am the next day - but with some napping on the plane
Sunday - slept from 11am until 6ish. was then awake until 5am.
Monday - slept from 5am until 9am, was then awake until 11am the next day
Tuesday - slept from 11am until 4pm, was then awake until 1:30pm the next day
Wednesday - slept from 1:30pm until 6:30pm, was then awake until Noon the next day
Thursday - slept from noon until 5pm, was then awake until 5:30 the next day.
Friday-slept from 5:30pm until 3:30am the next day (I over slept). Was then awake until 6pm the next day.
Saturday - slept from 6pm until 11:00pm, was awake until 7:30am.
Sunday - slept from 7:30am until 10:00am, was then awake until 9:30 on monday when I turned in my project.

Here is my sleeping habits in a ratio form:
171.0 hours awake : 45.5 hours of sleep

that is obscene....

2007-04-06T16:12:00.000-04:00

I just want to go to sleep.

2007-03-29T12:18:00.000-04:00

I fly out to New York today for an interview with the CEO of PGM Artists. Nervous? A little. Excited? Very. Noah and I are going to try to get tickets to see Conan, so yey!

My life is currently the most stressful, hectic, busy and frantic that it has ever been. But I don't feel like my life is falling down around me. Rather I feel like it is taking flight, or perhaps preparing for take off. I am getting a huge running start, and that cliff of May 13th is coming faster and faster. Pretty soon the earth will fall out from under my feet. But I'm not just leaping and flapping my arms desperatly. I've spent hours, days, weeks, months sleepless toiling away to build myself some wings. It will take a lot of hard work, dedication, creativity, courage, faith and a bit of luck, but I will take flight.

*on a different note: Today I recieved an annoymous CD in my mailbox. It is an album for a celtic rock band - Shillelagh Law. It is awesome, and it has completly made my day! *

2007-03-06T14:04:00.000-05:00

Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow....

Okay, so I applied to this competition a few weeks back. The competition is for the opportunity to get an all expense paid trip out to LA to spend the day job shadowing the creators of JibJab. Now, most of you who read this know me, so you probably know that this is right up my ally. I am very interested in getting a job creating viral video and original content for the internet. Well, the competition goes like this: Out of hundreds of applicants, 5 finalists will be chosen. Those finalists then will be given blogs. They will be given three weeks to blog, with a minimum of 2 updates a week and 2 imbeded videos required. After 3 weeks, the blogger who gets the most traffic will then win the trip to LA.

So take a wild guess what my big news is? That's right! I'm a finalist!!!!!!!!

I will defiantly post more information as I get it. The blogs haven't even been set up yet. But as soon as I get it up and running, I will let you guys know. You guys who read this blog are mostly my closest friends. I really need your help if I want to win the trip to LA. Please check the back regularly for updates and help me with ideas for what will make it a really interesting and funny blog. Even if I don't win, I want to use this opportunity to create some really good content and maybe get my name out there. This could potentially be huge for me.

So, I will let you guys know just as soon as I have more information. I'm so excited!!!

2007-02-16T13:44:00.000-05:00

My birthday was last weekend. During the party I got to hang out with some people who I haven't seen for a long time. While we were talking, they all just seemed so terrified of life after college. They were so reluctant to leave this place, to go out there, to grow up. And yes, part of me is really scared too. It's scary to think that I have no idea what my life will be like 6 months from now. It's scary to think that in just a few months time I will be leaving everything that is familiar and comfortable and going out into the big adult world.

But even more so, I am excited. I am prepared. I am willing and ready to be an adult and to participate in the adult world and to make a change. Why do I suddenly feel so strong and assertive and unafraid for the first time in my life?

It's because of him.

It's knowing that he will be with me that gives me the strength and courage to face all other changes. I'm excited to do things and to make changes, because I know that I will be doing them with him. I'm not afraid of leaving Ohio and moving to a huge strange city where I have very little clue about what I'm doing or where I'm going, because I know that at the end of the hectic crazy day I will be able to be in his arms. The most comfortable, safest, perfect place in the world.

Someone told me that New York and LA can be very lonely places. As long as I'm with him, I can make it anywhere.

Happy Valentine's Day, and I love you.

2007-01-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

I think that disgustingly long breaks are intended to remind you why you went away to college in the first place. With a few exceptions, my days have been like this:

Wake up around noon-thirty.
Eat
Watch television
Get disgusted with network television
Smoke
Get on the internet
Get disgusted with dial up
Wander the house
Eat
Watch PBS until Scrubs comes on at 11
Stay up until 3 or 4 wasting time on our insanely slow internet

I need to get out of this house and get back to my real life. Perhaps I really do need the structure, otherwise I'd just atrophy. God I'm so fucking lazy.

Alright, in order to force myself to attempt to stick to some of these, I'm going to post my new year's resolutions:

Do my best - if I'm going to do something, then really give 100%. There's no point in doing something if I'm not going to really do my best.
Create - this means art, film, writing. This includes putting stuff up on youtube and working on scripts
Create Change - I'm always complaining that the world is going to shit and that something needs to be done. Well fucking do it.
Handle Change - This is going to be a big year. I honestly have no idea what my life will look like one year from now. So handle change well, don't be afraid and don't let it cripple you.
Leave Ohio - most likely in conjunction with getting a job.
Get my own apartment - something that I feel represents independence and really being grown up. Bring it own
Keep learning - read more, watch more PBS, start paying attention to the news more
Write more letters by hand - I was really good at this during the summer at the Headlands. Start doing it again
Meditate - really think about things, try to find some answers
Go to the Gyno - eeep....haven't done that before, and I probably should.

okay....Those are reasonable goals, right? I'm going back to Denison on Friday. I have a lot I want to do between now and then. And once I get back, I have even more to do. Time to get back into the swing of things, Amber. Go team!

2006-12-24T01:14:00.000-05:00

Today was good. It is nice to know that there are people who I will always be friends with, regardless of how much time or space is between us.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic. I suppose that's to be expected. I feel like I'm starting to say goodbye to this place, this quiet little corner of the world. I'll be back, of course. But I really don't know when the next time I will be staying here for an extended amount of time will be. I'll probably go elsewhere for spring break...maybe I'll move back temporarily after graduation. But my point is, I feel like I'm starting to let go, to really move on. And as much as I have complained about this area, I will miss it. It has a quiet, understated beauty to it. I think that it is the quietness that I will miss. There's something about a flat horizon that forces you to be contemplative. Of course, I'm viewing it through the eyes of a child who has called this place home for 17 years.

I drove through those flat straight narrow country roads tonight. Well past midnight with the radio blasting and my mind racing. Every road looks the same, but I could never be lost on them. It's something that has always been comforting to me, driving alone at night. It gives me a chance to be alone with my thoughts and emotions.

About a year ago I made a mantra for my life: To always be aware of and in awe of the beauty of God's creation. Now, I certainly haven't been able to always apply this to my life, but it has really changed the way I think about things, how I approach life, and my general attitude. Recently I've been thinking a lot, and I believe I have another mantra to add: To be aware and appreciative of the uniqueness of my exact location in time and space. This is somewhat similar to the previous mantra, but it has more to do with appreciation of the moment. I want to be aware of my time, not to let time drift away without even being aware of it - like vegging out in front of the tv or computer. Even when I relax, I want to really relax and live in the moment - to be fully aware and appreciative of where I am and when I am. By when I am, I mean in my life, in my age, in this decade, in this generation, in this century. I like to contemplate the significance of my actions and my lifetime on the large scale. Perhaps there is no significance, but perhaps there is. That's something I've been wrestling with lately....are things significant or meaningless? I don't feel like getting into it right now, because it's a thought that I haven't fully fleshed out...I don't know the answers yet. Maybe I never will.

I'm doing well. I go through phases where I don't want to see people, which results in laziness which results in depression. But even though I have been feeling anti-social, I've been forcing myself to be social. And once I get out there and actually start doing stuff, I have a good time. If left to my own devices I would probably degenerate into a depressed introverted hermit. So thank you to the people who have taken the time to call me and hang out with me. Even if I seem reluctant at first to do things, I'm glad to do them. Despite what I said about this area earlier, I do think that it can be somewhat soul crushing. It's just filled with so much thoughts and emotions and memories. How can I move forward when I'm surrounded by my past? I defiantly need to leave Ohio, but I know that I'll return.

I'm tired of waxing philosophic. It's getting late and I'm going to church in the morning. Goodnight, and Merry Christmas.

2006-12-17T15:50:00.000-05:00

Ah my poor abandoned blog... I suppose it's about time I write something.

The semester flew by, as has the last year. As have the last four years. College is almost over. A thought that is both liberating and terrifying.

I thought that maybe I had something to write here. Something about being nostalgic and contemplating my time at Denison. Something about being excited but slightly scared of the future. Something about being wildly in love with an amazing man. Something about feeling very creative and happy. Something about being home for Christmas. But I don't think anyone's really interested in reading that, and I'm not that interested in sharing it.

Maybe I'll post more often since I'm home with crappy wireless and therefore unable to watch youtube all day. Or maybe I'll be productive and read or write or catch up on some movies or take a walk or climb a tree. But then again it's so much fun to waste time on the internet.

2006-10-03T01:36:00.000-04:00

Getting something started is oh so very hard. Especially when you have such high expectations and aspirations. I'm afraid to tell people exactly what my dreams and goals are, because they always end up getting shot down. Maybe not shot down, but faded. People give me that look, or poke holes in the plan, or aren't nearly as excited as I am, and that leaves me...I don't know...faded. Things are happening, big plans are underway, but I don't want to write about them here. I've just got to get out there and make it happen. Come on Amber, do this thing.

2006-09-08T12:10:00.000-04:00

Here's a little something that I read a while back and just recently rediscovered while cleaning out my bookmarks. And while I may not agree with everything Greg Graffin espouses, I think the manifesto is worth a read. It sums things up rather nicely.

2006-09-01T12:20:00.000-04:00

I got a postcard from Nicola today about her opening in New York on Thursday. It's nice to know that she remembers me.

I saw The Greaser today. It's nice to know some things never change. And that some hair will always be greasey.

I get to see Noah today. It's nice to know such a wonderful guy.

Today is a nice day.

2006-08-28T18:42:00.000-04:00

This summer was benificial in more ways than I thought. I feel like I am seeing everything through new eyes.

I previously mentioned changes in the form of a new blog. Well, it's more than a blog, hopefully. It's a blog, with a forum board. It's going to contain some things I've been thinking about for a while now. Things I may have discussed with those of you who read this blog. Things I hope to sort out, things I hope you all can help me figure out. I'll still keep this blog for my personal writing/posting. But this new site has a goal, a reason for existing. Please check it out, please respond. I hope that it will be something worthwhile.

The Revolution is comming

2006-08-21T06:23:00.000-04:00

So I downloaded resolume and instantly fell in love with the program. I realized that it was a demo, and was completly willing to pay for the program, it's that good. However, it is 200euros to gain a copy of. And though I don't know the current exchange rates, I do know that it is much more than the $50 I thought it would cost.

Then I downloaded Neuromixer. Which is most definantly freeware. I think it could be a cool program, at least it looks neat and the stuff I did with it was fairly cool (though not as cool and simple as Resolume). However there's no real user manuel, so I'm just kind of shooting in the dark. Usually that's how I like to learn a program, but I'd like to know the basics at least. But this looks promising. And I don't think it would take up as much RAM as Resolume.

Also, I finally made some faily decent tofu. Stir fried. The secrete: fried in with a bit of olive oil, salt and pepper for just a little longer than I usually do. And also, I think that the best way to make any dish better is by adding nuts. My stir fry now has walnuts.

God, I forgot how much I loved/hated blogging about the banality of my day to day life. That's okay though, big changes are on the way. Perhaps in the form of a new blog. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, only 30min until I load up the wagon and leave the Headlands. 7am flights rock. This night really flew past though, but I'm sure I'll be good and tired once I actually reach the airport and have to wait 2 hours for the plane to actually leave the ground. And that's if it's on time. Thanks a lot terrorists.

So long California...until we meet again.

2006-08-15T15:07:00.000-04:00

California is still crazy. And cold. And foggy.
I think that once I return, my time here will seem like it was just a dream.
And last weekend was a dream within a dream.
I hope that it's one of those dreams that stays with you and inspires you to do things and look at the world in a different way. I hope it isn't one of those dreams that just fades slowly away.
I don't think I can accuretly discribe my experiences here. It means the world to me that the most important person in my life had the chance to see this place and get a glimpse of what it has done for me.
Less than a week left. Time to get back into the school mindset. Time to get some work done. Time to shake things up. Be productive, be creative. Come on Amber, do it.

I've always been a person to make lists. They help me see things in a more organized perspective, to get all the chaos out of my head and make it more concrete.

THINGS I WANT TO DO THIS SCHOOL YEAR:
-Create a halfway decent tv piolit for my senior research.
-Dabble a bit in VJing (Find a DJ to colaborate with,performance at the Bandersnatch?)
-Have a kick ass radio show (title: Punks and Paddies - have book reviews/news stuff/things people should be pissed off about)
-Create a subversive culture at Denison (subversive public art, zine? write into the Bullsheet more often, stickering, counter recruitment? check out Guerilla Girls type stuff)
-Aviod any and all possible drama with roomates
-Be more assertive/less passive (hopefully this will not make the previous goal difficult)
-Continue writing letters by hand
-Stay in touch with Ohio artists (visit Rian and her family, possible work with Danielle?)
-Maintain a decent GPA (honors program?)
-Do something exciting for spring break
-Spend a lot of time with Noah
-Continue being vegitarian
-Shop conciously (organic, thrift stores, local merchants, don't spend a lot of money, FUCKING DIY stop being lazy!)
-Make my car into an art car?

I guess I've got a lot on my plate. I do this every school year. It's more of a begining than New Years ever is. Hopefully I'll actually do this stuff. You guys should keep on me about it. I need people who push me, who challange me, who don't let me settle or be lazy. Hopefully that's a favor I can return.

2006-07-27T19:54:00.000-04:00

I'm ready to start a revolution.

Who's with me?

2006-07-20T01:57:00.000-04:00

After reading some people's postings on livejournal, I feel prompted to post my main revelation of this summer: LIFE AFTER COLLEGE IS NOT SCARRY.

Even as I write this, I realize that of course it is scarry in some aspects, because it is new, and change is always slightly scarry. But I guess my point is, it isn't something that should cripple you, that should make your senior year miserable because you don't know what you're going to do after college.

See, this summer I have been living and working with internationally renouned artists. People who are very sucessful in the field I have chosen. and through this experience I have learned that life after college is exciting. It's when you can take some time to find yourself, to focus on your craft, to travel around, to make the beginings and movements that can really start to shape your life. And who cares if you don't get into grad school. Many schools refuse to accept students right out of undergrad, it seems that the common consensous is that you should wait at least 5-7 years before going to grad school.

I'm so excited to go back to Denison, to finish up my time there by doing something creative and worthwhile, and then to really start something once I get out. I feel like I have so many possiblities, and instead of being stressed to pick one, I'm excited to begin to try them out one by one. Rachel wrote that she is scared that her future is a big blank. I'm very excited by the fact that mine is a big blank. It's a huge blank canvas, with limitless possiablities, and I can't wait to start my masterpiece.

2006-07-12T04:35:00.000-04:00

It's 1:30am. I'm not tired. No one else here is awake. My booze is in Kate's refridgerator. I wish I had some weed, or a cigar, or a beer. Even more than that I just wish someone was around. I want a good conversation. I want to go on a night hike.
Most of all, I wish Noah were here.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still very happy and having fun.
I just miss him.
A lot.

2006-07-08T21:09:00.000-04:00

The highlight of last night:
Realizing at 1am that we were in a slightly sketchy all latino gay bar.

The low point of last night:
Seeing some guy getting the shit beat out of him while we were looking for our car.

If I had to describe my summer in one word, it would be...ridiculous.

2006-07-05T19:25:00.000-04:00

So I posted a bunch of photos on my facebook album. Including a photo of some german ninjas I met at the bridge. They were doing a photo shoot and agreed to let me take their picture doing something awsome. I really like it here. It's a great place to spend a summer/few months running around. The artists are all really awsome, in a way that's difficult for me to discribe without becomming excited/nerdy. It is usually rather cold and foggy here, but the past like 6 days have been really sunny and beautiful. Cold though, but beautiful. I have other photos I still need to post, but our internet is really slow, and I don't have the patience for it. But they will come. Pictures of the people I live with and such.

A list of things I like to do at the Headlands:
1) Hike (I do it almost everyday)
2) Sit on the front porch and drink (I do it everyday)
3) Read (usually done while sitting on the porch and drinking)
4) Eat (Our chef is amazing. I am vegetarian and not missing meat at all. Also we have a lot of dinner parties on the weekends. which also include drinking)
5) Sleep (like a log...9 hours min. a night)
6) Draw (haven't done enough of this)
7) Leave (to go to the city/the nearest town/to visit family for the day)
8) Have philosophical conversations about the nature of art with amazing talented acomplished artists (usually done on the front porch, or at said dinner parties, and accompanied by drinking and smoking)

Things that I don't miss about the 'real world':
1) shaving (haven't done it since june 17th)
2) assholes (everyone here is awsome)
3) telephones (I have one, and use it as much as necessary, but I certainly don't miss having to deal with them on a daily basis. and cellphones don't work out here. There's a hill you have to hike up, aptly dubed Cell Phone Hill, in order to get any reception at all)
4) Television (haven't turned it on since I got here)
5) the internet (even as I'm typing this I'm planning on where I'm going to hike once I'm done.)

I miss you people that read this blog, and wish that you would write me letters. I'm slowly but surely trying to write letters to everyone.

I had other things I was going to write about, as a personal outlet, not so much an update. But they were depressing and about accidents, nightmares, and missing my boyfriend. And it's sunny and nice outside. So instead I think I will go for a walk.

2006-06-21T20:16:00.000-04:00

California is ridiculous. Ridiculously amazing. I don't even know how to put into words what I'm experiencing here. It seems cheep to write about it on the internet. So if you're wanting specifics of my amazing adventure, you'll have to talk to me. But let me just say that this place is everything I hoped it would be. The people are amazing, the scenery is amazing, the lifestyle is amazing, the art is amazing, all of it, every drop is perfect. And although we have a tv/telephone/intardweb, my use of them is extreemly minimal. Expect updates to be very few and far between. But if you're one of the beloved, do expect letters and postcards. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to climb a mountain.

2006-06-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

so i just locked my keys in my car. I am awsome.

Went out on the river today. Also bought some super hot shoes.

Within a week I will be in San Francisco. I'm so excited.

I'm also terrified.

Please don't forget about me.

2006-06-09T12:25:00.000-04:00

I've spent a lot of money this week, but I'm rather pleased with all my purchases. I got the "She Wants Revenge" CD. I really like it. I think you would like it too, Mark.

I really want to go out dancing.

2006-06-01T20:22:00.000-04:00

I finally hooked my laptop up to our ridiculously slow dial-up at home. Now I can buy my fucking airline tickets without getting kicked off the library computer because some 11 year old wants to play tetris or something. I doubt this will mean I will update more though. I feel like a lot of things lose significance when I write about them in here. I spend the week being largly bored, and thus far, the weekends are fun and busy. I'm going camping with the folks this weekend. So if anyone cares to find me, please do so durring the week. And Mork, I'm sorry I haven't gotten to go to the movies with you yet. maybe next week.

2006-05-23T16:11:00.000-04:00

I suppose I shall update, even though I don't have a whole lot to write about. For some reason I can't read comments on this computar...weird. My search for a job has prooven unsucessful, so I've resigned myself to a month of being bored out of my mind. Oh I have lofty goals, like doing lots of art, reading, biking, movie watching, but we'll just see if I can drag myself out of bed before noon on a regualr basis.

I've been feeling rather anti-social. Well, maybe not anti-social, just socially apathetic. I think about calling people and doing things, and then I don't. But I think that if someone were to seek me out, I'd probably do things, and have fun doing it. So call me?

I miss my boyfriend. a lot.

Um, this post seems rather depressing, but I'm not depressed. maybe just lonely? I've rediscovered the joys of PBS. no one else cares about that, but I thought I'd let you know what you're missing out on. It's high quality tv. Well, my time is almost up, they're kicking me off the computar at the library. That's an update.

2006-05-08T14:08:00.000-04:00

So apparently our shittastic computer at home finally died, so now I am without the intardweb/AIM. This means you lazy bastards have to actually use el telephono to get ahold of me. Yeh, I'm home, but not for long. It will be back to Camp Dennie for senior week. That will be much fun.

I feel like I really have so much to do, and so little time in which to do it. That's how this entire semester has felt. The semester ended so abruptly, I could have used at least another month. But it was good. Contrary to my typical self, I didn't overspend durring the last two weeks on campus, so no list for that. I guess I realized I'll be spending mucho deniero on flights to CA this summer. Yay for Spanglish.

I guess that the end of this semester really marks a change. Everything will be different. I must admit I'm sort of scared. But then, I guess everything is always changing, and change isn't really that bad, it's just different. We will make it, we will survive, we are strong. Tell me we are strong.

I reread Kate Chopin's The Awakening today. That book feeds my soul. I think it was ment to be read in the spring.

Since there is no list of what I've bought, here's a list of things I've done this semester:
-Grown as an artist
-Visited Graceland/Memphis
-Rode the Greyhound for the first time
-Attended a Goth Club
-Found inspiration
-Written a script for senior research
-Gotten an Internship (made an honest attempt to do something scarry and exciting that I've never done before)
-Eaten a fancy meal with a movie director
-Fallen wildly in love with an amazing man

Yeh...it's been a good semester.

2006-04-25T03:47:00.000-04:00

I made a post at 6:30am today...yesterday...whatever. But apparently it didn't post.
:edit, apparently it did post: It wasn't really interesting anyway.
In the last 36 hours I have had a total of 4 hours of sleep (this afternoon, it is currently 3:46am). And I'm not even really tired.
I have finished my computer music final, my drawing final, and now my MTA research portfolio. This means I have nothing until next thursday at 4 - my critique with Ron. I also have a drawing review at 11:25am Monday, but I don't have anything to do for that. I need to work on my prints for Ron, but I do have well over a week to do them. I plan on sleeping a lot between now and then. And other various activities. Maybe eating.

I have no conception of time. The last distinct day I remember was saturday. Saturday was fun. Sunday and Monday did not have any distinction, and therefore don't count as days. I do think that pulling an alnighter is much better/easier when Noah's around to entertain me/keep me awake. We found out that the coffee shop in Gville opens at 7am.

I just realized that 5 of the papers I printed off for MTA have the wrong title on them. So instead of saying the title of the show, they say "AMBER YODER'S SENIOR PROJECT". This means that I'll have to get up a little earlier so I can go to the lab and fix that. Damn. But on the plus side, I do have a 15pg. script, which is far more than anyone else in that class has. And I have a nifty red report cover for it, so it's all official and eyecatching. Yeh, that's how I roll.

I want to watch Fantasia.

Someone sort of used my work in their own work. I said they could use some clips, but they used the entire thing, chopped it up and put it in their work. Then all these people were looking at it, and commenting on how cool it was, and they were commenting on the parts that were mine. I guess the libertarian in me doesn't care, being pro-appropriation/open source/freedom of intelectual material yada yada yada. But the selfish artist in me does. I just made that piece, and I actually feel proud of it. not to mention, the other person's piece wasn't really that good. Maybe that's what bugs me.

God I'm so arogant. Listen to me. Shut up and go to bed, Amber. Okay. Night.

2006-04-24T06:31:00.000-04:00

It is 6:30am Monday morning.
I am still awake.
I have a class in 3 hours.
If I sleep now I will miss said class.
I have finished the 2 final projects due today.
This is my first official all-nighter (for school related work).
I am typing this to give me something to do until noah gets here (here being the mulberry lab).
It will be so nice to live in mulberry next year.
If I lived here now, my bed and alarm clock would be right upstairs.
And my classes would be right next door.
I watched the sun come up today.
My drawing looks pretty good I guess...my music piece isn't all that great. But I put a lot of effort, time, and work into both of them. Here's hoping my proffessors recognize this.
Noah is here, time to go!
<3 Amber

2006-04-09T15:10:00.000-04:00

what a great weekend. thursday night Noah and I went to a redneck bar in Zanesville. That was fun. We spent all of friday together too. We saw Thank You For Smoking at easton with Elia and Laura. It was very good. everyone should go see it. On saturday Ian randomly showed up at Denison with some friends to see the softball game. Although he wasn't here very long, it was so good to see him again. We got to hang out and catch up on eachother's lives. Hopefully we can hang out a bit this summer before I go to California. Then later Saturday night, Phil and Kim came over. I didn't expect for them to be in town, so it was another fun suprise.

My life is so good right now. Everything has worked out beautifully. Everything that I was so stressed out about, so worried about, so certain would never happen, has turned out perfectly. My classes, my internship, my artwork, my living acomedations for next year...it's all great. And then of course there is this boy named Noah....

2006-04-03T23:09:00.000-04:00

so I should be writing a script. Instead I am writing in my blog. Yay procrastination.

My life is amazing right now. More so than I could have imagined. More so than I could ever have asked for.

This weekend was quite good, delightful in fact. Naughty by Nature played at Culture Jam, that was fun. Noah and I goofed around all weekend, went shopping, watched some movies, ect. Sunday we drove up to the BG area for Heather and Mike's wedding reception. That went well. Noah survived meeting the parents.

our housing lottery was today. Although we didn't get a Sunset or a Brownstone, we mannaged to get into Mulberry. Mulberry is a house. As in there will be 6 of us living in a house. Downstairs there is a computer lab, which I am constantly in for all my classes, so that's good. Upstairs there are 2 large rooms, 1 double, and 1 small single. We also have a HUGE kitchen, a lounge down stairs, and a study room. It will be Me, Elia, Vasare, Annie, Jenna and Gretchen living there. And another selling point is that we will have no RA. So plan on there being some wild ass parties in Mulberry next year. I think it has great potential to be awsome. I also think there will be a lot of potential for drama amongst the roomies. All the girls are awsome, and I'm sure we'll get along pretty good. I just think that there are some major personality differences and lifestyle differences. I'm going to do my best to avoid drama. I think if I just stay laid back things will be alright.

I got offered an internship at an artist's colony in California. It's not a paying position, but they offer room and board. That's good. The only bad thing is, it will cost a lot for me to fly out there. And then in July I need to fly back for a weekend for Phil and Kim's wedding. That will be 2 round trips to California this summer. Bye bye Amber's money. However, the internship wouldn't start until like June 19th. Maybe I could get a job before then. Anyone know where I could find a job for about a month from late may to mid june in BG?? That would be good. And I like the idea of having that month off to be at home. I'd like to take a weekend or two and visit noah then, and it'd be good to spend a bit of time with the BG peeps. I'm excited about the opprotunity to go to California, but I'm also a little scared. It's so far, and it's such a long time...but in general I'm happy and excited.

I feel like there is so much more I should write...I've recently decided that I don't care about meeting new people at this point. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. At the begining of the year I decided I'd try to meet new people, that I needed to branch out, ect. And I tried, I did. But I don't really think it worked. But I'm fine with that. I've got some good friends, people I like to be with. I've got a boyfriend that I love very much. My social life may not be extrodinarly diverse, but I've got one. Meeting people is hard work, and honestly, I don't feel like I need to. Not that I'm going to be a bitch to people I don't know. I'm just not going to activly attempt to meet new people and make new friends. Let them come to me. And if not, oh well, I'm very happy with the way things are.

This has turned into a long entry...too much procrastination. In summary, my life is fantastic and good things keep on happening. How could it get any better than this?

2006-03-29T12:31:00.000-05:00

So for my computer music class we had an assignment to create a piece with spoken text and then add music to it. So i recorded myself reading this slam poem entitled "I am the Sex Goddess of the western hemisphere". I then played around with effects, adding sexual moans, and changing parts so it sounded like other women talking. Then I added clips from the Dresdon Dolls "Girl Anachronism" as well as some great clips of 70's porn music. In the end, it turned out really great. I loved it, and I think other people in the class really liked it. Today at lunch one of the guys from class had apparently told his girlfriend about my piece and she said she'd really like to hear it. That's cool.

Anyways, what really inspired me about this piece is the subject matter. None of my art, be it prints, music, photos, drawing, or writing, ever is sexual in content. It is very rarely political, and hardly ever offensive. I've had a few pieces that were subtly feminist in nature. And my skateboard project last semester came the closest to being controversial of all my work. But this music piece was overtly sexual, political, and possiably offensive. And it was so much fun to make! It was very exciting, and rather liberating. I find it hard to express some emotions. Particularly ones dealing with sex, love, anger, and politics. Sometimes I write about them, but those are generally very personal, and not on display for others to see/read/hear. But now I'm realizing that it's ok to express them through art. because I use art to express so much of myself, why shouldn't I use it for these emotions too? I'm very excited by this. I feel like my art is definantly maturing. I can see, in just the past 3 years, a real progression and maturity of my art, its subject matter, and the themes expressed. I feel like this is the next step. Being offensive, sexual and political, but in my own style and my own manner. So my goal for the rest of my artistic projects (1 music piece, 1 drawing, and 1 print project) is to do something radical. Something drastically different from what I usually do. Something sexual, something full of rage, violence, passion. I think my drawing may involve bondage gear. I sort of want to take some photos too. And I wrote a poem for the first time in probably a year last week. And it was fairly decent. Perhaps I have found a muse.

2006-03-24T13:32:00.000-05:00

Love,
is it all that you want.
is it everything you hope for.
Love,
is it more than the word that you use when look at her.
Love,
it will push you around.
it will make you a poor man.
change your picture of heaven, heaven.
Love,
it will make you a man.
it will make you a child again.
Love,
does it keep you awake.
does it change everything you see.
Love,
is it worth what you give.
is it everything you need.
--"Love" by Kids in the Way

it is

2006-03-20T00:45:00.000-05:00

Spring break was very good. It was excellent to hang out with the old King crowd again. And spending an entire week with Noah was nice. And even though I have a lot of work to do for this week, I couldn't be happier.

<3

2006-03-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

So spring break. Yeah. I'm comming home today (thursday). Will be home through monday. Will then go to DC/North VA to visit people. So, if anyone wants to see me, get ahold of me, otherwise you won't. (669-3820...bobby d.)

Notes and Quotes on Memphis, TN

2006-03-05T20:45:00.000-05:00

NOTES AND QUOTES ON MEMPHIS, TN.
-"Put some south in your mouth."-Sign in front of Blues Cafe
-People drive very fast in Tennesse.
-"Walkin' in Memphis, walkin' with my feet 10 feet off of Beale". - Marc Cohn cover of "Walkin in Memphis"
-The roads are not properly marked in Memphis.
-"You girls have fun, but Be Safe!"-bum on Beale St.
-Everyone in Memphis is friendly...everyone.
-"Blues, Booze and B-B-Q" - Beale St. Motto
-Downtown Memphis smells like meat...delicious delicious meat.
-Food from Sonic is also good.
-Apparently drinking in public at 3 in the afternoon is the Memphis thing to do.
-Construction on I40 is a bitch, especially at night, especially after you've had a couple drinks.
-"ooo..." Elvis impersonator on me kissing him.
-Elvis is dreamy.
-He knew it.
-Trollys are fun, and cheep.
-"It's cold today, Wednesday was beautiful" - Memphis locals on one of the most beautiful 60 degree days I've seen since last spring.
-Bring a stick to hotels in order to check for dead bodies.
-Learn how to fix an exploding tolit.
-I have fallen in love with Memphis. It holds a special place in my heart.

2006-02-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

Just in case anyone was wondering:

I couldn't be happier.
Life is wonderful.

2006-02-12T23:27:00.000-05:00

Damn...what a wicked birthday I've had. It has been truely amazing. Four days of insanity, intensity, and massive drunkeness. Started drinking wednesday night at Brews with elia and noah, and continued until late saturday night. Mirraculously, I made it through all 4 nights without vomiting once (which is more than can be said for Rob). Thursday I got jenna from the greyhound station, and she's staying with us until monday. Thursday night, Noah took me to the Buxton Inn, which was very enjoyable. Afterwards we played heroscape/watched Fresh Prince/drank with Jenna, Elia and Laura. We then raised the priate flag from the 3rd story window of the library. My one goal for my 21st was to raise the pirate flag on campus, and we did it!!

On Friday Matt, Rob, Mark, and Tracy all came down and much drinking and hilarity ensued. I love those guys, they're all such fun. And Elia and Jenna got along well with all of them, so it was great. Saturday we went down to brews. Most of the people there at first were jenna's friends who I didn't really know/have anything to say to. So for a while there I was feeling a bit awkward. But Noah came, and things got better. And then PHIL AND KIM CAME!! I had hoped they would come, but I hadn't heard from them for weeks, so I wasn't sure. I was so happy to see them, they are the best. I missed Phil and his crazy antics. Oh, and they are officially getting married! Elia and I are going to be bridesmaids, and Noah and John will be groomsmen. It's so exciting! We came back to the room and hung out and played some heroscape. It was an excellent night.

However, today I'm really hurting. Literally hurting. I feel like I could sleep for days. I was going to have a night cap tonight so I could say I drank for 5 nights in a row, but I think if I have one more drink I will die. I feel like an old alcoholic man. No more 4 day binges for a while. I'm getting too old for this.

Oh, I auditioned for the campus radio station, and I got accepted! Yay! I'm really excited about it.

Anyway...it's been an amazing few days. Thanks to everyone who came out, bought me a drink, said happy birthday, facebooked me, celebrated with me. I love all you guys, and you have made this the best birthday ever.

2006-02-07T00:22:00.000-05:00

Wow, I have had the most amazing day. As you may or may not know, I've been working on bringing the film Afro-Punk to Denison, along with the director James Spooner. I found out about the movie while doing research for a class (I stumbled across the website...Afropunk.com). I imediatly thought it looked awsome, and wanted to see it. I also thought that a lot of other people on campus would be interested, because it seemed to attract a wide audiance. Anyway, I spent a lot of time and effort trying to find a sponsor/contacting the production company/advertising, and today it all payed off.

At 5:00 today I got to have dinner with the director along with a few other students and the cinema department faculty. We went to the Granville Inn, which is undoubtedly the ritzest place I've ever eaten! I got a greally great chicken and orzo plate ($25, and it was one of the cheaper meals!!) and an awsome pecan/carmel trouffle for dessert. James was so cool. He was very friendly and aproachable, and the entire dinner we had amazing conversations. We students asked him all sorts of questions, and he was full of interesting things to say, and he was very engaging. We talked about everything from filmmaking to the current state of punk.

After dinner, we all went up the hill for the screening of the movie. It's a documentary about black kids in the punk scene. It was really good. It was interesting and controversial and ultimatly encouraging. Afterwards James did a Q&A, and the audiance seemed just as interested and engaged as he was! Oh, and I bought a t-shirt that says "some sistahas wanna rock...afro-punk"! Might wear it tomorrow!

I find it just amazing that he had no formal training. He said he just wanted to make the movie, so he did! That is so inspiring for me. It really makes me realize that I've got to just go for it. I can do it, but I've got to be ballsy, take some risks, roll up my sleves, and be willing to struggle a little.

I'm just on this awsome high from this fantastic evening. I feel so lucky and blessed to be at a school where I have opprotunities like this. This was definantly one of the best denison events I've ever attended!

2006-01-25T15:51:00.000-05:00

Here's a quiz because I'm bored and ultimatly a copy cat (thanks steve!). I find this strangly accurate...I dunno about the 'not from a weakling' part, but the other stuff seems spot on. What do ya'll think?

The Wild Rose
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDf)

colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.

Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.

You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective.

Your exact opposite:
The Dirty Little Secret

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master

The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.

"You're never truly single as long as you have yourself."

ALWAYS AVOID: The Bachelor

CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail.

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: semicharmedchck

2006-01-20T11:48:00.000-05:00

If that's how things are gonna work around here....I'd also like a million dollars.

2006-01-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

List of things I need, in no particular order:
*weed
*booze
*a dude

Your assistance in any of these areas would be greatly appriciated. Thank you.
-The Management

In event of tragedy

2006-01-17T16:12:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am coppying off of Laura. However, I think a lot about what might happen if I were to die/be in some sort of an accident. So here's my unofficial, however exact wishes and living will:

If I am to go into a coma and there are signs of brain function (meaning I could recover and live a normal life) do keep me on life support for a reasonable amount of time. I don't want to be a financial burden on my family, however if I could completly recover, I guess there's no point in pulling the plug.

If I am to enter a vegatative state or to suffer sever brain dammage with no hope of full recovery, keep me on life support for three days, and then please pull the plug. You will not be killing me, because I will be already clinically dead in every way. And even if my body may be alive, that is not living. Please allow me to die with dignity rather than leaving a shell to slowly wither away. Working in a nursing home, I have seen this all too much, and I never ever want it to happen to myself or my loved ones.

I would like my body to be sent off as a viking warrior: put me in a boat with my weapons and the skulls of mine enemies, set me on fire, and push me out to sea. If this is not possiable (hehe) I would like to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in some quiet peaceful area of a forest...perhaps the pine forest in Oak Openings (this is in all seriousness). Make a nice little plack, and plant a tree for me.

I don't think this is morbid in any way...it's important that people know these things, even though I do not have an actual will at this point, hopefully my wishes can be followed. Anyway, I'm happy with my life, and I've never been afraid of death because I live the way I want to and I know God is with me. There will always be things that go undone, but the important part is that I have never had any regrets.

2006-01-11T13:36:00.000-05:00

I'm still at home...and I'm still hella bored. I feel kind of forgotten. There is seriously nothing to do, and everyone is either at school, working, or too busy to bother with me. Most days I don't even get out of my pajamas, I don't have much of a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And by morning I mean noon. This is so unhealthy. I really shouldn't live here this summer. Of course, at least then I would have a job or be taking classes or something. But still. I need to do something good with this summer.

Which brings me to a disappointing revelation I had the other day. Earlier this year I decided to go to Ireland this summer. I've got about $3500 saved up, my life's savings. That would be enough to last me at least 4 weeks in Ireland. I've got it all planned out. Hostels and camping, and visiting Anne Bonnie's birthplace. Ireland is my dream. A life goal if you will. But then I realized something. My other life goal is independance. I want my own life. To me independence is represented by having an appartment of my own. No roomates, not being paid for by mom and dad, no boyfriend. Just me. Standing on my own. Now, I don't know what I'm gonna do after I graduate from Denison. Maybe I'll go to grad or film school. Maybe I'll find a job and start a career. But there are a few certainities: I want out of Ohio and I want my own place. I don't want to be one of those people who moves back in with mom and dad for an indefinant period of time. That's not what I spent 4 years in college to do. Nor do I want to be one of those girls who goes from being taken care of by mom and dad, to being taken care of by a boyfriend/husband. I want to be on my own. And as utterly terrifying as it is, it is something I want to do. I can do it. I want to struggle, to scrape by on my own. Cause when I succede, it will be my own. No one can say they handed it to me. My successes will be mine, just like my failures will be mine.

So I was thinking about this, and I realized, even though $3500 isn't a lot, it could really help me when I get into the real world. It isn't much, but it's better than having nothing. And if I spend all that money on going to Ireland, there's no way I can make it all back working somewhere this summer (especially if I'm interning somewhere). So what it comes down to, is what do I want more. And even though I would LOVE to go to Ireland, I NEED independence. I mean, I want it so badly that it's not an option to forego it. And when I imagine my life years and years later even though I'll be disappointed if I didn't go to Ireland, I would be ok. But I honestly think I would hate myself and regret it forever if I didn't try to make it on my own without a safety net. So many women never get to have a real life. They go from one man to another, from daddy to hubby. I can't let that be me, I hate the thought of that. So I realize that independence means work, it means sacrifice. And even though I still plan to someday go to Ireland, I know it won't be this summer. It's a matter of priorities.

I hate money issues. So many people at Denison have everything just handed to them. They don't think twice about traveling abroad, or even taking a roadtrip. And the annoying thing is, it doesn't cross their mind that those things might not be possiable for other people, or that its a big deal for other people. They just assume that everyone has the resources they do. I swear, I CONSTANTLY overhear people talking about vacationing in Italy or France or Spain. They always go somewhere like Tahiti or Costa Rica for spring break. They don't even stop to think about how those trips will be paid for. I swear to God, in one of my classes we were talking about jobs, and over half of the class hadn't worked a day in their lives! One girl actually said it never crossed her mind to work somewhere like McDonalds because that's where 'all the Mexicans worked'. Can you believe that? Some of the people at that school just make me sick. And it doesn't seem fair. But then, life isn't fair. And I like to think that I'm a better person for all my struggling. I know the value of a dollar. I know what it means to work until your back is aching and your toes are bleeding. I know that my parents bust their asses and sacrifice so much to give me the things I have. To give me opprotunities by sending me to a school like Denison. And I know that I can't rely on them forever, that I will be on my own. That I want to be on my own. And someday, when I do finally succede at whatever it is I do, I'll know that I earned it. I worked for it, and I made sacrifices for it, and it is MINE, that no one can say they handed it to me.

2005-12-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

Hm...well...what to say...

Christmas was good, except for the violent food poisining that effected my entire family on Christmas day. Presents were good, things are good.

Comming back here is never what I expect. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, it's just...unexpected. For example, Heather and Mike got married on Thursday. That was crazy, I'm really glad I could be there.

But I dunno, being home is always weird. I sleep too much, I eat too much, I watch too much tv, I have too little social interaction. And this break it seems like there's even less social interaction, or maybe I'm just avoiding social interaction more than usual. I wish I could have gone out to Pitsburgh and DC again this year. That was a quality way to spend break. And I miss hanging out with Jenna and Phil.

I'm kind of weirded out about next semester. I feel like everything is going to be different, but not really in a good way. I'm gonna have a single. Granted it will be in the appartment with Elia, but I'm still worried that I'll hole myself up in my room and be even less socially active. And I'll have even less opprotunities to be social, with Jenna leaving and Phil graduating.

I need to meet some people. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I have, I just feel like I need to meet people. Or maybe be more active with the people I do know. What is up with me? Last year I went out. I met people. I went to parties thrown by people I didn't even know. I've fallen into such a rut. Even my partying has become predictable. I don't know how to meet people. I'm so socially awkward. But the thing is, I think people mistake my awkwardness for being stuck up. Because I get quiet, I don't know what to say in most situations with new people, so I usually don't say anything. I don't even know how I made the friends I have.

I'm ready for things to develop in the romance department. New developments. Even romance has become predictable. Lame.

Maybe its just my being at home that's making me feel this way. I always feel so weird here. I mean, part of me loves it. I love to see my friends again and my family. But then, I dunno. I guess the pace is just different here. It seems like there are no possiablities here. Just memories. Good memories, but memories none the less. I'm rarely moving foward when I'm home, cause there's so much past here. I'm not running away from it, but how can you move on when it's everywhere. It's in every streetsign, every tree, every field, every shitty restruant, every trendy coffee shop, every school, house, and shack reminds me of someone I used to be. Someone I still am, but someone I'm not completly.

I'm not depressed, I just feel like I'm waitiing. I'm neither in hell nor heaven, I'm in Limbo. I'm in Northwest Ohio. I'm in Bowling Green. I'm in Weston.

This entry is neither here nor there, just like me.

2005-12-19T10:37:00.000-05:00

Add to the list of things done at Denison:
Pissed on the school seal in front of Swazey.

On a related note, I got wicked drunk Friday night, and Phil shall be thourghly missed.

2005-12-16T19:46:00.000-05:00

Well...in keeping with tradition, I'll post what I've bought over the past 2 weeks:

My share of booze:$6
Spray paint for an art project:$5
Sheesha and tea at the Hooka bar:$8
Steak 'n Shake:$10
Ticket to see Narnia:$7
Gas:$20
Two meals in Slayter:$10
Christmas presents for the Angle Tree:$65
Reliant K Christmas album: $9

hm...I've kept my spending down thus far. Got 60 bucks back from my books, and my parents sent me 40, so I should be ok for the rest of the Christmas season.

This week has been alright, mostly just stressin over finishing editing my film. But it got done, and I think it turned out well. This is probably the most laid back finals week I've had. It was still somewhat stressful, and from Tuesday to Thursday I got a grand total of 10 hours of sleep and spent like 30 hours down the hill.

It's been another interesting and fun semester at Denison. Not quite as wraught with drama as the previous two, but that's ok. It's been fun. Thanks to everyone who made it that way. Thanks to the people who do crazy things with me, support me when I need help, get me drunk, get me high, take care of me when I'm sick, and always make me smile. I hope we can keep this track record of great semesters at Denison going.

I come home tomorrow. I'll probably spend the weekend with the folks doing Christmasy things, but I'll be free until Jan. 14th. So BG/Weston people, get ahold of me.

2005-12-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

Know what? I really don't understand 'couples'. By that I mean people who are in relationships, and ACT like they're in a relationship. You know the ones I'm talking about. One second they will be a normal, cohesive, human being, and the next they're a huge pile of mush, using words like 'snuggle' and 'tickle fight'. Not only does it make me sick, but I honestly just don't understand that. And don't think it's just the girls who do this, guys are just as likely to fall into this...which is even scarrier.

I just don't understand how people can completly change like that. I don't think that true love should do that. I mean, of course love will change you, it's a strong and powerful force. But I don't think that love should cause you to be a different person with your significant other than you are with everyone else. If it does change you, it should change everything, shake you to your core, alter your life view...not just make you a blubbering ball of sentiment when you're with that special someone.

I guess my conception of love is somewhat different from other people's. I think that love is strong, powerful, awe inspiring. It doesn't always have to be romantic and grand. It can work quietly.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people who act like 'couples'. I just mean I don't think I'll ever understand them. I don't think that will be me. It never has been, and I just can't imagine becoming that. Of course, what do I know? I've never been in love.

A friend once called me a hardass. I've never thought of myself as that before...am I? I just value strength, and I don't really have a tolerance for mush and shameless displays of emotions like crying and constant talking. I think my emotions come through in other forms, namely art and writing. The more I think about it, the more I realize how lost I would be without art. I don't consider myself anything wonderful when it comes to art, it honestly is for my personal expression. Things I don't allow myself to express in other ways come through in my art.

So to my future Mr. Right, don't be upset if I don't act like a mushy romantic, I'll still love you. And I'll make beautiful art for you.

2005-12-11T22:57:00.000-05:00

Tis the season!! Check out our great decorations! Can you tell what Mr. Slave is reading?

It's been a rather great weekend. Friday night, Elia and I went to a hooka bar in Columbus with Phil and Kim. After that, we went to see Narnia. It was really amazing. I mean, really. It was like all my childhood fantasys came to life on the screen. The characters who were such a huge part of my childhood, their adventures, all of it, it was so well done! It made me really nastalgic. I remember being a little kid and playing Narnia on the playground durring recess. I remember how upset I was when Aslan died, and how enthralled I was with all the stories and adventures. I loved it, it was great.

Saturday I mostly slept/worked. I watched a bunch of Bleach with Phil, and he made dinner. Then Jenna and Anitra came over, and we all got drunk watching SVU/Fresh Prince/X-Files/playing taboo. It was incrediably nerdy and fun!

Today I worked a lot. When I got back from downhill, Elia suggested we go sledding behind our dorm. We don't have a sled, so we used giant garbage bags. It was sooooo much fun! The snow was perfect for sledding! And we got a good 45 min. in before security came and yelled at us (Denison has a no sledding rule for some fucked up reason). I think I will definantly add it to my things done at Dension list. Things done at Denison is just a list of things that I feel sort of signify the Dension experience for me. Of course there's lots of other things that have happened here, but these are the things that represent Dension to me. So far, here's the list:

-Garbage bag sledding behind Taylor
-Dancing/singing/screaming in the rain at the top of the hill
-Climbing momma tree at the Homestead
-Romantic walks in the Bio-reserve in the fall
-falling asleep in the library
-Studying in Slayter and meeting lots of people
-Printroom partys
-throwing ceramics off the top of the art building (we broke a window and ran for it!)
-waking up in king
-Incrediable Journys around campus
-Swinging on north quad late at night
-smoking a bowl under the goal post in Mitchel field in thick fog
-nearly passing out in front of Shep (first time I met Abby)
-Pirates hijacking the radio station
-Dance partys in the scene shop!
-wandering into Swasey christmas service with a bottle of Jose Quervo
-Drag queen party in Curtis East (and so many other things in Curtis I can't even begin to list them all)
-Pirates vs Cowboys capture the flag on the A-quad
-Playing in the snow on the Campus Commons
-Bonfires/sitting on the roof at the Homestead
-illegal grill out at Taylor!
-Running through the sprinklers on the Campus Commons
-Hanging out in the Bandersnatch with Mandy
-Pranking Ryan in East
-Crappy snowman behind Chamberlin

That's all I can think of right now...

damn...now I'm all reflective...

2005-12-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

Oh my God! What in the hell is wrong with you people? What in the HELL is wrong with this world?! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT ALL OF YOU!

Who the hell put these people in power? Surely they weren't VOTED in?? OUR GOVERNMENT IS CORRUPT! I've determined that the entire fucking thing is just SO corrupt! I don't even know how to verbalize my seething anger and frustration!

What put me in this mood? I don't know, I read the newspaper. And every single article, EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE, was a perfect example of the complete corruption of our government. Bans on gay marriages, the government cutting funding from colleges which don't allow military recruiters on campus, the government and the media working hand in hand, restrictions on free speech, even the fucking smoking ban is a violation of civilian rights! STOP TRYING TO REGULATE YOUR MORALITY! My God, it isn't even morality, it's you thirst for power, your greed.

Congress is going to consider making regulations about food commercials run during childrens' shows. They say that kids are over exposed to commercials for fatty foods, and they want to make it so that those commercials are not allowed to run while kids are watching. Sounds all good and well, but where does it stop? When will the government say, alright, we've got enough power, we don't need to control every single little aspect of your lives down to what kind of food you eat? The answer is NEVER! THEY WILL NOT STOP until they have complete and utter control over EVERYTHING! If you don't believe me, read a fucking newspaper. Read between the lines, look at what's really behind the issue. And every article will become another glaring example of the complete and total failure of our Government. Our government today is NOTHING like the grand and wonderful ideas established by our founders. If it was, the government would be SMALL!!

Leave the fucking market alone! It would work and opperate just fine without any interferance by the government, just like people! How do you think monopolies get started? Because they are given prefferential treatment by the government! So no wonder things get retarded when the government tries to break up a monopoly! HELLO?! Free and open markets (and I mean FREE AND OPEN, not like the 'free' market we have here) work best!

And don't try to blame this on one party or another. They're both equally deplorable and corrupt. They're basically identical, they just refuse to admit it. FUCK REPUBLICANS. FUCK DEMOCRATS. They're all evil. They're wasting MY money, they're killing people in MY name, they're trying to control MY life...and guess what, they're doing it to YOU TOO! Fuck them.

Anarchy sounds better and better everyday. Sure, once established it would probably have its failings, but that's not the point. The point is getting there, striving for it. Fuck, we know that it will probably never happen in the US. But the ideas are powerful, and if enough people had those ideas, maybe something could CHANGE! Damn it! I'm so sick of NOTHING EVER CHANGING!

That's it. I, Amber Yoder, hereby declare to the world, God, and the intardweb, that I now consider myself an Anarcho-capitalist. (think Libertarian meets Anarchist)

Damn...sorry for the psudo-political rant entry, it's been a while since I've had one of these. Way too much anger and frustration right now, I need to go on a walk or punch something.

2005-11-30T21:36:00.000-05:00

For some reason I really like this photo. I took it at the BG holiday parade. I also really like this one of Mike and Heather:

aww...ain't they cute?

Break was good. A tad boring, but I got caught up on my sleep and got to spend a good amount of time with fun people.

I've been thinking a lot lately, mostly about what I'm going to do with my life. I honestly don't know... the whole movie/television thing really confuses me. I mean, on one hand I really despise television and the film industry. I feel like a lot of it is total crap, responsiable for the pacification of the masses. But then, there are some movies and some programs that I just feel like...wow, I wish I could do that. Does that make me hyprocritical? I don't think it does. It's more like I want to try to change the media from the inside...an approch some take to politics. Honestly, I think the media is equally if not more powerful than politicians at this point. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Things are never black and white...

2005-11-17T00:50:00.000-05:00

CRESCENDO

and then there will be

*silence*

Art, girl scouts, hookas and porn...all in one weekend

2005-11-13T20:14:00.000-05:00

Oh my, what a weekend it has been. Um, let's begin with Thursday...I suddenly became incrediably sick (in my ceramics class nonetheless). However, I had way too much work to do to bother being sick. Work mostly pertaining to my gallery opening. Friday I put the finishing touches on my gallery, and went out to lunch with Elia and Adrienne (who came to visit from NYC!). Then the gallery opening from 5-7. It was pretty good, somewhat anti-climatic though. My parents came and got to meet Carrie, which was cool. My dad harassed Jon Efe for a while too, he really liked his work. After the show I took the folks out to dinner at the Etheopian resturant. As predicted, they loved it. We had a really fun time. I got back to campus around 10:30ish, and promptly doned my prom dress and set out for the Black and White party (aka Rachel, Mike, and Medha's 21st birthday party). It was pretty cool. Got to see a lot of people. Oh, and I met Mark's cousin...it was somewhat awkward, but I was a bit drunk so it's ok.

Saturday morning I woke up bright an early and went out to breakfast with my parents. Then at noon I went with a group to go help out at a girl scout camp. That was really nice. I got to help little girls learn how to build a fire, cook, and pitch a tent. I really enjoyed it.

I got home from girl scouts around 5ish. I was still feeling sick, very sick. As some of you may know, last night was D-Day. D-Day is a day when Denison pays insane amounts of money to some band, and they come and play for a large crowd of drunken denie-dooers. This year The Roots were playing. I do not know any of the Roots music, and I felt no need to go to the concert. So Laura and I decided to do fun things instead of participating in D-Day. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go at first, but I decided that if I stayed in I would have just sat around feeling pathetic. So I took a bunch of meds, packed my purse with tissues and cough drops and set out for Columbus. We started the night by seeing The Weather Man. I really really liked that movie. Nick Cage is such a great actor! The film is very darkly funny, and it was fun. After the movie, we drove around in search of porn shops until we found our way to High Street. On our way to a porn store, we stumbled across a hooka bar! It was really nice, great atmosphere and a fun place to people watch. After spending quite some time there, we went across the street the The Garden (a porn shop). I came very close to buying "Clown Porn" but as it was $30, I didn't get it. (someone get it for me for christmas). Instead, I got Elia a very special Birthday present. I don't think she reads this, but just in case, I'm not going to say what it was. Laura and I also went into a fetish shop as well and oggled the Betty Page memorbelia. We didn't get home until close to 4am, but it was soooooo much fun. Yay for Laura making a potential sick boring saturday a crazy fun night!

2005-11-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

There was a terriably depressing article in the paper today about the lack of donations for the earthquake relief efforts in Pakistan. I know all of you are poor students, but please help out. Every bit counts.

2005-11-07T21:09:00.000-05:00

"If you haven't noticed, your generation isn't really a rebellious one. Look around at yourselves with your polo shirts and desire to go to business school and make a billion dollars. It makes me want to shake you and scream 'WILL YOU REBEL FOR JUST TWO MINUTES?!"

Said by Proff. Battles in History of Television and Radio to a class full of popped collar Denison students. It's things like this that make getting up at 8:30 bareable. That and "H. R. Puff n' Stuff was a show about....puffin...stuff... and Scooby Doo was definantly about a big pot head." (Kathy Battles once again). She's not necessarily my fav. proffessor. Sometimes she tries too hard, and sometimes her voice is just too high pitched and whiny for me, but every now and then she has a few gems.

Oh, if anyone is thinking of doing some early christmas shopping, please please please, get me one of these shirts. I know, I'm an incrediable nerd...

2005-11-01T19:36:00.000-05:00

Some people wonder what we'll be like in heaven. What age will we be and whatnot? Well, I've thought about it a lot, and here's what I've come up with: In heaven, we will be children.
Just think about it, and it makes sense. I would write a bit more, but I've a lot of work to do and I think it speaks for itself. I just wanted to write it down, so I don't forget it later.

In heaven, we will be children.

2005-10-31T19:55:00.000-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Isn't my Jack O' Lantern awsome? I've named him Charlie. Our party on saturday went wonderfully. A lot of people showed up, and everyone had some kind of costume or another. There was lots of mingling, drinking, some dancing, and Rock Horror! Elia and I got quite teh drunk and harassed Phil, Noah and Kim around 2am after the party wound down. All in all, it was big fun. Here are a few shots of costumes and whatnot:

(I was a 60's mod girl...check out that hott $3 dress!)

(this is Elia as a drunk flapper girl)

(The Decade Girls in order from left to right: 80's Sara, 60's Me, 50's Pam, 40's Vasare, 20's Elia...MIA is 70's Annie)

(I just had to include Alex as Bob Ross...uncanny resemblance)

On Sunday I ditched out of work early to go apple picking with Phil and Kim. It was so much fun. The weather was simply beautiful and I got a TON of apples. (ok, well not a ton, but a half bushel which translates into about 35 apples). I went home and made a bunch of apple sauce! It was really nice! Going apple picking has always been a tradition in my family since I was a kid. I went my freshman year with the honors group, but I didn't get to go last year, so it was really nice to do it again. Phil and Kim are a riot, and it was fun just to get off of campus! I feel like I've really made the most of the Halloween season! I'm really excited about Thanksgiving now. I'm ready to go home for a bit and see people there. However, I've got a ton of work to do between now and then, so good night and good luck to you all!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2005-10-29T20:00:00.000-04:00

(Light up tuba!!)

Well, I suppose the last post was needlessly angsty. Life is good. I'm keepin busy and staying healthy.

(Grand Finale!)

Last weekend was exciting. We went to the Dresden Dolls concert. There were so many crazy weird people there, it was so entertaining! It was definantly the most theatrical concert I've ever seen. And I got to see my Morky, so that was an added bonus. Before the show, Elia and I went to The Blue Nile, which is this Ethopian resturant in Columbus. It was really fun, and the food was great! You sit at these cool little wicker tables and eat communially with your hands. The guy who owned the place was very nice too.

Mork!

Saturday, Laura and I filmed for our documentary. We were on site filming for like 10 hours! It was crazy and tiring, but we got some really good footage, and we made quite a few contacts. People were comming up to us and talking to us and asking for a copy of the film when we're done with it. I'm so pleased with how our documentary is turning out. I feel like a real filmmaker. I swear I have such a love/hate relationship with film. Everytime I swear it off. I say I'll never do it again, that I hate it and it's not worth it. But then, I keep comming back to it. I enjoy it, honestly. I love the end product. And I guess I'm finally realising that all of the heartach and work and time that goes into it, is actually worth it. It's hard, no doubt, but I feel like I'm getting better as I go. It really is just like any other art form. No one is born a natural filmaker. You've got to bust your ass to get better at it. And the first few films you make are gonna suck. Period. That's just how it is. But they get better, things get somewhat easier. Who knows, maybe I could actually go somewhere with this.
Tonight we're throwing a Halloween party. It should be big fun. I'll definantly try to post with details and photos later.

2005-10-23T02:17:00.000-04:00

I suppose I knew things wouldn't turn out the way I planned or wished for them to. That still doesn't keep me from being disappointed.

whatever happened to the good old days when my life was wraught with drama?
ya know, a crush is actually a good thing. At least when you have a crush you have someone to focus your attention on. If I had a crush, I would know what to do with myself and all this built up frustration. I don't need a man, but good God I need a man. Life has become somewhat boring. I'm getting sick of this college rutiene. I need something new. This year is like a remake of sophmore year...completly different, yet the same, and not quite as good as the origional.

Sorry for the personal and blunt entry, but I'm drunk and I don't care cause no one reads this anyways. I'm also getting sick of psudo-political rants. Caring gives me a headach. Ignorance really is bliss kids. If you start paying attention, you'll just see how bad of shape the world is in and how little you can do about it.

And now I sleep.

2005-10-19T11:22:00.000-04:00

I get really annoyed with old people. Not 'old' old people, I mean older people, particularly the ones who run the world. They're always talking about how degenerate young people are now. How we have so much sex, how we're so violent, how we have no morals. Oh yeh, things were soooo much better way back when. You were all such swell people, and no one EVER had sex. Ummm...lemme see...WWI, WWII, Korea(well, we won't count that, it wasn't a REAL war) Vietnam...yeah, you guys were so peaceful. Baby Boomers make me sick. They act like they're so moral and upright and like 'kids today' are so corrupt. Don't they realize that's exactly what their parents said about them, what with Elivs and all that Rock and Roll business, and GASP Television and comic books?! It's the same thing their grandparents said about their parents, with their devil jazz music and short haired women and all that organized crime. See a trend here? It's just the way the world works...old people are afraid of what the younger generation brings, so they say things were so much better back in their day. Fucking get over yourselvs. Anyway, you're the ones who fucked up this world before I even came into it! I read an article today about how our oil revenue will probably peak by 2020, if it hasn't already. But the people talking about it in the article were acting like we've got all the time in the world, it isn't as big of a deal as it's made out to be. Maybe for you it isn't! You're old, and by then you'll be even older if not dead, so you don't care! But I'm going to have to fucking deal with this mess IN MY LIFETIME. Seriously, oil is the issue of our generation. It WILL be dealt with, weather we want to or not, cause one day (and one day soon) it's not going to be around. So how bout you old people who have so much power, authority, intelligence and morals start doing something about this instead of complaining about how much oral sex teenagers are having.

I've got another rant stored up about Denison, but I'm giving myself a headach...

2005-10-06T23:30:00.000-04:00

Hey guys. All of you who read this, probably read Ian's blog too, and you're probably all sick of my own psudo-political rants, but oh well. I'm not going to repeat everything Ian's said, but here's the gist of it. A lot of soy which is marketed as 'eco-friendly' is actually grown in Brazil. This is bad, because soy farming is a big problem with the destruction of the rainforests. Now, America is the #1 producer of soy, so one would think there is no real reason to buy soy from Brazil, right? Well apparently some companies think it's a great idea. Here is an article outlining the problem. It's a little bit dated, but it's still relevent.

I've also got another slant to this. In addition to destroying the rainforests, which is bad enough, this is taking money out of our already struggling agriculture economy. Now, where I'm from, factory farms are a BIG issue. They are responsible for the collapse of so many family run farms. They kill rural communities, and they wreak havoc on the environment. I'm not just spouting this off, I've seen it. My mom works for an Environmental Remediation company, and she has told me stories of HUGE piles of chicken shit, just sitting in silos, slowly leaking into the water table. This is for real. BG people, it's happening right where we live, and I can guarentee it's happening across the country.

Now this whole buying from other countries sucks, because it's not simply taking money out of the US, but it's taking money directly out of family farmers hands. These companies who buy Brazilian soy would probably otherwise buy local and family soy. That's their big selling point, that they're eco-friendly and that they support family farms. Hell, White Wave was one of the biggest sponsors of Farm Aid.

Now, I'm not directly attacking these organic companies, because in comparison to other companies they are a lot less evil. However it's important that we call them out on this. And since they're less evil (quasi-evil if you will) perhaps we have a chance of actually making things change. Anyway, you should all go to White Wave and tell them how you feel about this issue. Ian provides a really nice letter for you, if you want to cut and paste. My letter was a little less eloquent...but the point is, make your voice heard!

2005-10-02T01:06:00.000-04:00

Serenity...what can I say?

This is the first sci-fi movie of it's genere to really blow me away since the origional Star Wars trilliogy. I wouldn't dare say it's better than Star Wars, but...well...it's definantly up there. I hear rumors that there may be a trillogy of this series, and I certainly hope so. It is the Star Wars of our generation. Seriously folks.

And cinematically, it really is a good movie. It has just the right amount of humor without detracting from the dramatic scenes. It has a great plot, with very humanistic elements that are very compelling. I loved how the assasin was delt with (I won't give any spoilers but he's not your traditional villin). All of the characters are just very well done. And the soundtrack is great too!

It's just...Wow. Guys, go see Serenity. Just do it. Now. Stop reading this and go see it.

2005-09-30T14:22:00.000-04:00

Alright kids, I'm pissed off again. What is it this time you ask? It's the so called "Threatened and Endangered Species Recovery Act". Ok, so the current Endangered Species Act is faulty. It doesn't really provide incentives for protecting animals and their habitats. And only something like 10% of the animals added to the list are removed and considered recovered.

The new act, which was passed today by the House, claims to be a modernization of the old act. It provides incentives for private land owners to conserve some habitats, and it also reimburses private land owners if the government tells them they cannot develop in order to save a species. sounds good enough, right?

Wrong. This bill gets rid of the government designated 'critical habitat' areas. It makes it easier for developers to develop land, as long as the set some of it aside as a habitat. For example, say an endangered bird lives in a marsh. Say a developer wants to develop 100 acres of said marsh. Under the new act, the developer could set aside like 5 acres of land as 'protected habitat' and develop the rest.

Now, I'm a strong supporter of private citizen's rights to the land they own. However, I feel that there has got to be some sort of common ground here. This new bill does not provide that common ground. It is just unacceptable. For more information, here is an article outlining what's gone down thus far.

So you guys, go and write your senators and tell them not to be asshats on this issue. To find out how your represenative voted on this issue, go here. If you're one of my BG peeps, Our represenative is Paul Gillmore: 1203 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515 (he voted for the bill, yell at him!)
If you live in Ohio your senators are Mike DeWine: 140 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510 and George Voinovich: 524 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510

Write to these guys!

2005-09-26T20:17:00.000-04:00

Wow, I'm really pissed off right now. As some of you may or may not know, I am a Libertarian. I'm sure my personal politics are somewhat different than most of the people reading this right now. If I had to be forced to define myself as 'conservative' or 'liberal' I would probably be conservative, mostly because of my deep seeded hatred of big government. And for all the hatred of President Bush, I usually give him the benefit of a doubt until I hear all the sides. But tonight, well...I've become very upset with him. This link was posted on Fark today, which talks about Bush's 'War on Porn' initiative. I've actually checked out Suicide Girls before. Not for the porn, but for stuff on body modification. And some of the pics are actually very artistic. I've never seen the porn (cause you've got to be a member) but a lot of the other images they have are really well done. Anyway, this post kinda pissed me off, so I looked around and found this article which was the least biased article I could find on the subject (that's not saying much, because it is still pretty left leaning). So now I'm really pissed. I mean, personally I'm not into porn. Porn is a kind of sad alternative for a lot of women, and a lot of women are mistreated in the industry. Morally, I may have my own thoughts, but I'm not out to convert the world.

But politically, I'm very pro porn. I mean, I fucking hate censorship. It is a total infringement on freedom of speech. The bigger the government gets, the more power we give them, the more we sacrifice our own personal rights. And this is a perfect example of that. And it's not like they're targeting kiddie porn or sites who force women into porn. They are targeting pornography portraying consenting adults! What the fuck!? Perhaps naked pictures aren't exactly the best example of free speech in action, but when we start making distinctions between what is acceptable and what is unacceptable then it isn't FREE FUCKING SPEACH ANYMORE!

This is why I'm not a Republican any more. They used to be all about small government. They used to be anti-censorship. And I'm sure there are plenty who still are. But the asshats in charge are going completely the wrong way with this. THEY ARE TAKING AWAY OUR FUCKING RIGHTS!

As you can see, censorship is one issue that really gets me riled up. I just don't understand it. Our nation was founded on the idea of free speech. Why is the government so determined to take that away? It's fucking Fahrenheit 451 man. It's not science fiction, that's our nation’s future if we don't take a fucking stand on this! FUCK THE FCC AND FUCK THE OBSECNITY PROSCECUTION TASK FORCE!

2005-09-25T16:25:00.000-04:00

Well, just when I started to think my life was in danger of becomming boring again...wow. It was quite a suprise to see John and Shaggy again. With their unexpected arrival, my weekend was crazy fun. Very intense, often sketchy, and completly hedonistic.

I am hurting today though. I also have a shitton of work to do. So I will bid you all a fond farewell.

2005-09-19T17:59:00.000-04:00

Even Dragons need hugs sometimes!!

This weekend was quite good, despite starting off kinda shittastic. Saturday I woke up from a deep sleep at 10am to go film for video theory at 10:45. The weather outside was kind of overcast, and we were unsure if we should shoot outside, but we decided to. However, we did not have a tape. So after going back up the hill to the bookstore only to find it closed, and then to Taylor's only to find they didn't have the right brand, Laura and I trecked to Wal-Mart. On the way, my flip flops of 5 years finally broke :( So I walked around wally world barefooted and bought a pair for $1! Then, after about an hour delay, we returned to our shoot sight, where we found out we purchased the wrong tape. By then it was 1:00 and the bookstore was open, so I just picked up what we needed there. Then we proceded to dick around with the equipment FOREVER! Nothing seemed to work properly, or we just couldn't figure it out. I felt like such an idiot! Eventually we got everything filmed, and by 3:30 we were done. I swear....I must be masochistic for taking this class.

Thankfully, things immediatly got much better. Elia, Vasare and I decided to throw a dinner party, and 13 people showed up!! Everyone brought a dish from their cultural background. There was so much food! It was really a lot of fun, and everyone had a great time. The general consensus was that we should have a dinner party at least once a month. Yay!
The whole gang!

After the party, Elia and I went and watched Bully with Noah and Phil. That is one hardcore fucked up film. I think it's the most disturbing film I've ever seen. But it's really well done, and it makes a very good point. I particularly like the humanistic approach it took with the murder. It's hard to watch, but I think it is totally worth watching.

Sunday we went to the Renisance fair! It was lots of fun. I bought a dagger (only $10!) and a BEAUTIFUL opal ring.

All in all, it was a great weekend. And now I must work. Good Day.

2005-09-16T14:38:00.000-04:00

COOL! Lego is apparently a very open source based company (link goes to news article). Yay for freedom of intellectual property!

2005-09-14T23:57:00.000-04:00

(Insert usual political rant disclaimer here)

Know what? I am so sick of liberals bitching. I'm so sick of consevatives bitching. YOU BOTH ARE HYPICRITICAL AND NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The thing that has me particularly pissed off today is a club on facebook entitled "I only make out with liberals". Just in case you didn't catch that, let me repeat: it's the "I only make out with liberals" club. Aren't liberals supposed to be the ones who are oh-so-open-minded? Who the fuck joins a club like this? Do you seriously believe so strongly in your personal politics that you let it dictate something as important as your relationships? Are you that narrow minded that you seriously only affiliate yourself with like minded people? Or are you just another sheep following the heard - oh look, a club about liberals, I'm liberal, therefore I must join it. Don't stop to think about what you're saying or doing, just barrel right over that cliff with the rest of the lemmings. My God, you people disgust me.

Both liberals and conservatives make these gross overstatements about the other side. All liberals are whimpy, whiny, hippy freaks and all conservatives are gun toating, bible thumpin rednecks. GROW THE FUCK UP FOLKS! Think for your fucking selves and maybe you'll find out that not everyone fits the mold that you have prefabricated for them. And just shut the fuck up about politics. Honestly, I don't give a shit what you think. All politicians are crooks anyways, and all the government ever does is screw somebody over. And you acting all elitist is not going to make that change. All it does is make you look like a giant asshat. Congratulations. You're so much better than everyone else because you can quote the Daily Show or Glen Beck. Get the fuck off your high horse, and treat all people the same.

Oh, and I'm not hating anyone because of their political opinions. I am hating all mindless idiots equally. So fuck off.

2005-09-10T23:38:00.000-04:00

It's been absoutly beautiful all weekend, so Thursday I decided to go camping. I got Elia to agree to go with me, and we dashed off to Walmart to buy a tent. Of course, the normal sized tents were super expensive.

So being the thrifty girls we are, we bought a 'Jr. Tent'. The size was listed as 5x6. What they didn't say was that it was only maybe 5feet at the middle and then tapered off towards the end. It was kinda shaped like a cofin, and extreemly cozy for two twenty year olds to share. We named our tent Herman, but we call him Hermie for short.

But we had lots of fun. We went to Tar Hollow State Park. It was beautiful. We hiked for a long time, got lost, wandered around for about 6 miles carrying a heavy log for the last 3 miles in the dark. Needless to say, it was super fun, and we were super tired. We did some swimming, some burnanating, some eating (smors....) and a lot of driving around on saturday (when we got lost again on the backroads of Nowhere Ohio). It was really fun. I haven't been that relaxed for a while. It was so great.

I've got a lot of work to do for monday though, so sunday's gonna be a hardcore work day.

2005-09-07T11:43:00.000-04:00

If you haven't already, please please help the hurrican victims.
It's gotten to the point that I cry everytime I watch the news or read a paper.

2005-09-05T00:58:00.000-04:00

What a crazy weekend it's been. I guess just I'm a cliche college student...we work hard, we play hard.

Sometimes I feel really stupid. It's as if I'm nowhere near as intelligent as everyone around me. Maybe I'm naive, maybe I'm ignorant, maybe I'm just dumb. It's annoying, because I feel like there are things where I actually am very intelligent and insightful...but sometimes it’s just hard to identify them. I very rarely know what to say to people...intellectually or otherwise. Sometimes I feel like people see me as an unintelligent or shallow person. And when I think people think that of me, I try to show them I'm not...but I just end up looking even dumber. It's not necessarily a depressing thing, it's just annoying. I try really hard to learn things, and to be informed, but other people seem to know so much more than me. Maybe they just talk too much and sound like they do. In my life, I've found that the more you know, the more you realize you don't know.

I bought a CD today...even though I really should have saved the money for food. But it's really good, it's Eels...um, I forget the name of the album. But it's really great and beautiful.

I want to create something beautiful. I'm in a very creative mood. I just want to somehow capture the beauty I see and feel, and that exists in my mind, in some tangible form. But even my best attempts fall short.

I don't claim to be great at anything. I am nothing more than another human being. Don't take that as a negative statement. Humans are amazing and beautiful and intricate, all of us, everyone. I know its cliche, but everyone is special and that in and of itself is normal.

I used to want a big life. To be famous or something. And part of me still does. But I am realizing more and more the beauty of a 'small' simple quite life. There is nothing wrong with that. In face, what we consider a normal, quiet, uncomplicated life is really a profound, beautiful, adventure. Life is so amazing. Never ever take it for granted. Even the bad parts. They're there for a reason. All I ever want is a story worth telling. A life worthy of living. So far I'm happy with it. My life's goal is to be constantly aware and in awe of the beauty of God's creation. If I can pull that off, even just a little bit, I will never be disappointed with my life.

2005-08-30T15:34:00.000-04:00

So here I am back at Denison. Vacation was delightful. We went to Atlantic Beach, NC for a few days. It was so great just to see the ocean again.

Then we went to Fayettville to visit the grandfolks, and then to Deleware for the Yoder clan. It was nice, and my cousins are all incrediably cute. Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

I've a ton more pics of my cousins and other wacky family members, but I won't bore you with them. If you're really interested, I may upload some into my photobucket when I get the time.

On the way home we stoped in Baltimore to see the American Visionary Art Museaum. It was so amazing. It's filled with art by self-trained artists, most of whom were certifiably insane. But the art work is so awsome. A lot of it is distubing, but a lot of it is also wacky. For example, a giant egg:

When we got back I was only in BG for a couple days. But I did get to see a lot of people, and spend a decent amount of time with the ones I love most. Also, I was present when Tracy got her nips pierced (sorry no pics!) and when Mork got his nose pierced, so that was big fun.

I came back to campus Sunday. I'm starting to get settled into things. There's still a lot of that begining of the year stress, soon to be replaced with that middle of the year stress, so what's new? Elia and I went to a fun party last night, and we both got pretty drunk playin kings. Although it was fun, I don't think I'll make it a usual habit to party when I've got a 9:30 the next morning. Ok, off to be studious. I swear.

2005-08-08T16:40:00.000-04:00

Oh my, what a weekend! Friday, Matt and Rob came down to visit for the Irish fest. However, there had been thunderstorm warnings all night so we stayed in instead. It was super fun though, we stayed up late talking and watching anime.

Saturday the boys went to visit their grandparents in Dayton while I went to Amber and Eric's wedding. They had a very lovely ceremony. It's still super weird for me to think that people just a year or so older than me are getting married! But I think they will be happy, so that's good.

After the wedding I went to Dublin (ohio) and met up with Rob and Matt. We saw Seven Nations play. I liked them quite a bit. It was so funny though: Towards the end of the show, this little, grey haired Irish man wandered onto stage. I don't know how he got past security, but he was really drunk and playing with a paddle ball! He just stood up on stage and played paddle ball for like 3 songs while the band played!! I hope I'm that crazy and having fun when I'm old.

After the show we wandered around the fest for a while. Got some good food, a shot glass for jenna, and a fairy tapestry for myself. Then we went back to Denison, and after a little drinking and smoking we decided to go on an incerdiable journey around campus. I was quite the messed up, and though the journey was incerdiable, there were a few casualties including: My brand new martini glass, my hello kitty intertube, and Matt's skateboard (not my fault!). It was quite an evening.

Then Sunday we went back to the Irish Fest. This time, for Flogging Molly!! The place was so packed, it was crazy! The entire front half of the tent was basically a mosh pit, but security did a pretty good job of keeping things from getting too rough. I was in the pits for most of the show. About halfway through I was feeling dehydrated, so I found my way to a water station, sat down for about one song, and went right back in. By the end of the show I was completly soaked, mostly with sweat (some mine and lots of it other people's). i mannaged to get out without any real injuries (besides really sore feet), so I'd say it was a great show! When it was all over, I met back up with Matt and Rob and we headed back to Denison. We spent the evening just chillin and watching tv.

This was like my last on campus summer blast. It was a great way to end my time at Denison, especially because the way I started it was with the Warped Tour. I really had lots of fun with Rob and Matt. I like it when my friends from home come visit me, it's nice to get a little of the best of both worlds (or homes if you will).

This week I've got a TON of work to do, on top of trying to move into summer housing (at some point...damn you res life!!!). I'm basically feelin the stress of finals week. But it will all get done, I'm sure of that. And when it does, I'm out of here! I'm going on vacation with Mom and Dad to NC and Deleware for about two weeks. I should be back around the 22 or something, so I will get to see all you BG peeps again before the end of summer. I'm not sure if I'll be posting a lot this week, so if not I'll be incommunicado for a while but I'll see you all again in just a few weeks! Lots of love to you all!

2005-08-04T17:25:00.000-04:00

Ok, I usually don't post those stupid online surveys, but I think this one is very accurate.

How You Live Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

2005-08-03T14:47:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, just a quick post. I've been working a lot on my project, and I took some pics of the scar on my forehead. A lot of them turned out really great. I wish I could use them all, but I've gotta pick just a few. Unfortunantly I don't think this one is gonna make it into the finished project, so I thought I'd share it with you. I love how it turned out.

Ok, back to work!

2005-07-31T17:26:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, sorta been a while since I've posted. I've been super busy with my research, and I will continue to be so. I've got 2 weeks left of research, and then it's over. I've got a lot of work to do,but when it's done I'm going on vacation with my folks. Yay. I really want to go to the beach. I've just been yearning to see the ocean lately.

I went home on Wed. this week. Only for Wed night and I left the next day. It was really nice though, cause I got to relax a lot at home and watch some movies with my folks.

Other than that, there's nothing new in my life. Oh, I bought some super hott shoes at Target.

Here's a Pic I took in Weston last week:

I'm bored, so I stole this from Mark:
1. Pick a band and answer only using the band's song titles: Third Eye Blind
2. Are you male or female: Anything
3. Describe how you feel about yourself: God of Wine
4. Your best peice of advice: Graduate
5. Describe your last relationship: Misfits
6. Describe your current crush: Good Man
7. Say something to someone you have a crush on: I Want You
8. Say something to an ex: Good for You
9. Say something to someone you hurt severly: Can't Get Away
10. How do you feel right now: The Red Summer Sun

2005-07-25T12:30:00.000-04:00

Ok, so recently one of my goals has become to watch all of IMDB's Top 250 movies of All Time. So far, I've seen 86, so I've got a ways to go. But that's good, cause it means I've been watching a lot of really good movies lately. I promise you I won't review every single one, but I just feel like I've got to talk about Easy Rider for a second.

I just got done watching it, and wow. At first I didn't think I would like it. I guess being a child of the 90's I'm predjuiced against 'Hollywood' movies made before 1980. I know that's stupid, but I just am. And although this film is definantly dated, it has a timeless value to it. I think it's weird how much reviewers talk about how it's a 'counterculture' film. I mean, I guess it is with the hippie commune and stuff, but that's not what it's about. As you watch it, you don't think 'what crazy hippies'. You just see two guys, two normal human beings, on a journey. That's the beauty of the film. It's not like 'Hey! Look at me! I'm nonconformist!'. It's a beautiful understatement. It's more about freedom, real freedom than anything. These guys are no threat to anyone, but just because of other's preconcieved notions, they are made out to be bad guys.

The plot is kind of slow moving, but for me that's ok. This movie isn't so much about events as it is about ideas. There are some very serious and important ideas addressed in this film. It's great because it's subversive in a wonderfully American way. Watch it and you'll get what I mean. This movie is definantly worth seeing, and I think will seriously go on my favorites list.

This movie also proves that chicks do dig outlaw bikers. Peter Fonda isn't hot at all, but in this movie...there's just something about an outlaw biker.

George Hanson: They'll talk to ya and talk to ya and talk to ya about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.

2005-07-24T18:51:00.000-04:00

well it's been a pretty good end to a pretty stressful week. All week I was busting my ass to get some work done for the art show on friday. Thankfully, it all pulled together, and the show went rather well. Also, I volunteered to run lights for the children's theater group. So Wed. I went to rehersal and got a crash course in how to run the light board. We had one rehersal Thursday night, and then the show went up Friday! It was all pretty rushed and not very in depth, but the show went off without a hitch! We also had 2 shows on saturday. I actaully enjoyed it, because I got to learn something I didn't know about before. And now I feel somewhat competent in it and would like to do it again.

Here are a few pics from my portion of the gallery at the show:

Friday night was fun. All week I'd been craving good vodka (as in NOT Popov). So Jenna and I got some Smirnoff, East of Chicago Pizza, and blizzards from Dairy Queen. We then proceded to get drunk while watching 'Homeward Bound:The Incrediable Journy'. It was big fun. After the movie, I decided to go on an incrediable journy of my own, and Jenna and I wandered around campus basically making asses of ourselvs. (me more so than her). It was enjoyable.

Saturday, after the show we had a cast party. Everyone got pretty drunk, and I was very plesantly fucked up. Not like retarded like I was the night before. I was more like messed up to the point that time and spacial relations were confused, but I was able to appriciate just how drunk and hilarious those around me were. It was fun, cause I got to hang with people that I usually never hang out with. I like that. Like, durring the school year I usually end up partying with the most random people, like people I normally don't hang out with. But this summer I haven't really gotten to do that, so last night was quite a treat.

There have been 1 or 2 potential prospects brought to my attention in the last week. Could it be that my life is going to take a turn for the interesting again? Or will these prospects turn out to be nothing? Who knows? Stay tuned to find out more!

2005-07-21T23:11:00.000-04:00

um...i don't really have anything to say, so here is the Recursive David Hasselhoff:

2005-07-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

Here's a self-portrait:
ok, this seems to be my 'review films' blog lately, but what the hell, not like there's anything that interesting going on in my life right now.

I just got done watching David Lynch's "The Elephant Man". It's one of those movies I've always intended to watch, but never actually got around to seeing until now. It's amazing, seriously wonderful. I can't possiably begin to explain how good it is. It's so moving. Anthony Hopkins is such a great actor. Anyway, I'm pretty sure David Lynch is my third fav. director ever. So, my list goes:
Tim Burton
Stanly Kubrick
David Lynch
Joel & Ethan Coen
Martin Scorsese

I was talking to my Dad on the phone the other day, and something he said really struck me. See, my Uncle Ed is an ice sculptor. He's been through a lot of crap working for people who don't pay him right, take his work as their own ect ect. Now he's going through a lot of trouble trying to get his own business off the ground. Anyway, dad's been talking to him a lot, and Dad told me that he thinks I should take a business class, so that I know how to deal with the business end of art. He said I've got to know how to work with people, run a gallery, turn a profit ect. Which I definantly think is a great idea.

See, my parents have always been very supportive of me, no matter what I do. I know a lot of people whose parents disapprove of their persuit of the arts. And my parents have never discouraged me from doing what I want. But for some reason, I've always thought that my dad wasn't exactly happy about me majoring in the arts. I guess I thought it was kind of like my facial piercings: He'd rather I'd be doing something else, but since he knows I'm gonna do it anyway, he doesn't make it an issue.

Anyway, I guess I was wrong. Cause what my dad said shows me that he sees my art as something continuing after school, he sees my art as a career. Without even saying it, he's told me that he supports me, and genuinly is pleased with my interests. I guess I never even realized it. Actually, I'm so scared of the future (or at least at a complete loss for what's going to happen) that I never considered art as a career! It took my dad pointing it out to me for me to think of things in those terms!

So regardless of what I do with my art, be it printmaking, digital printing, or filmmaking, my parents support me. That's really an awsome feeling, something I've taken for granted.

2005-07-16T02:58:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, Charlie and the Choclate Factory is freekin AWSOME!! Serious, I think I was smiling the entire movie!! I LOVE Tim Burton...like seriously, I want to have his babies. I LOVE Johnny Depp. He is such an amazing actor, I just, I can't even begin to put into words my love for him. He makes the most amazing and unique characters. I LOVE Helena Bonham Carter. She is such a great actress, even though she's not very prodominate in this movie. I LOVE Danny Elfman, the music totally makes the movie. I LOVE the screenwriter, John August, who also did Big Fish (probly. my fav Tim Burton movie). The costumes, the set, everything was so good. I don't care what your opinions on this film are, unless you see it, you cannot criticize it. Go see it, you are making your life that much less happy by not seeing it. Seriously, I think I'm going to go back to the matinee to watch it again at least once this week.

My favorite part was the Televison room and Tim Burton's homage to Stanly Kubrick. It was like my two favorite directors had sex and their love child was this scene.

God, I want to make movies...I want it so much it hurts sometimes.

on a different note, I've found a new website to be addicted to. It's GroupHug.us . It's anonymous confessions, kind of like post-secrete. It's not artistic, it's just a bunch of confessions. Some of them are stupid, some of them are obviously fake, a lot of them are angsty, a lot are about sex, some are really disturbing...all of it is facinating. I'll add it to my Blogroll, so you can be addicted to it too!!

2005-07-14T16:02:00.000-04:00

Photography, for me, is the best evidence of God. When a photographer is good, they can take a picture of anything, the simplest thing like a blade of grass, and suddenly it's art. Suddenly it's amazing, and even though you may see it in life everyday you suddenly see all sorts of details and things you never saw before. But really, all a photographer is doing is capturing what already exists. They're simply documenting the beauty that surrounds us constantly. Artists are really just people who really appriciate the beauty of the world, and art is simply an attempt to recreate, interprete, understand, and share that beauty with others. To me, the world itself is a work of art. In all honesty, I am constantly amazed at the beauty that surrounds me. The world is art, and life is a performance peice, or maybe a film. This is all just too beautiful and masterful to not have been created by someone. God, in essence, is really an amazing artist.

Of course, there are people who say that all this was simply created by a series of random events. But think about it: The best artists are the ones who make something amazing and beautiful, but they make it look easy, like anyone could do it. It's the same with the world. At first glance, you might think, yeh it's nice. But if you really take the time to look at it and really appriciate it, you'll be amazed at the complex beauty of it all. I for one can recognize beauty and art when I see it.

And that's why I want to be an artist. I feel so inspired and amazed at what I see, but there are so many people who don't see all this beauty. I just want to somehow capture just a little of it, and hold it up for others to see. Art is my failing attmet at holding up the beauty that exists in the world. I want to create, I want to recreate. It's something instinctual.

I don't know much about philosophy. But I know there's a lot of arguments about the nature of reality, weather it's subjective or objective. I don't claim to know anything about it, or have any explainations. But I've always though that reality is pretty much objective: Objects exist weather or not someone is there to percieve them. But I wonder, do certain people actually percieve reality differently. I'm not talking about people with mental illnesses, I mean, just people...Any great artist, for example, do they actually see reality differently, or do they just interpret it differently? I guess maybe I would say they interpret it differnetly. I would never say I'm a Great artist, but I get the feeling sometimes that I'm one of the few people who can see the beauty around me. Maybe that sounds selfcentered, but I mean it. It just seems like so many people rush around with their eyes closed, and they never even see the beauty of a shadow or a leaf or an insect or a stranger.

I'm reminded of the closing scene to Our Town (a play that I actually am not that fond of). But Emily's dead and looking at the world and the beauty in it, and she says: "Does anyone realize what life is while they're living it?" and the Stage Manager replies: "No. Saints and poets, maybe. They do some." There is so so so much beauty in the world, and so few people actually see even a little bit. And I just think, that to really wittness all that beauty and say there is no God is like looking at the Sistine Chaple and denying the existance of Michelango.

Beauty is everywhere, just open your eyes.

2005-07-14T02:09:00.000-04:00

So...I am so high right now.

At some point tonight I captured the part of me that's still a kid. I think we're all really kids inside, and growing up is just learning how to hide it.

hmmm...too high, i've lost interest in writing...

2005-07-12T00:56:00.000-04:00

This weekend was very nice. I got to chill with my good friends,

it was very fun and relaxing. Sunday was really nice, I just hung

out at home and floated around in the pool. Also got to watch The

Machienist, which is an AMAZING movie. It thourghly blew my

mind. Watch it. Now.

Here are some pics. I took last week that turned out really nice. They're mostly from walking around Granville at night.

This is a cool public garden behind one of the Inns in Granville.

Creepy statue in the garden.

A tree with very cool lighting.

I call this one 'Temptation'.

Know what? I'm happy. Really, honestly happy. I mean,

I know I'm not perfect. Hell, I'm FAR from perfect. I know

that my life is far from perfect. There are a lot of things I

would love to have and do, but in all honesty...I am very happy.

I am young, and I am really taking advantage of that. I'm allowed

to be stupid and irresponisable and reckless and make mistakes.

And I'm loving it. I've spent way too much time being timid and

afraid of life and risks and breaking rules. I've lived way too

much of my life in a protective little shell. But for once in my

life, I feel like I'm really living it. I am happy in my imperfections,

they give me something to learn, and something to strive for. For

once I am comfortable and happy with who I am. I've always tried

to change, to make other people happy, but I think that I am honestly

happy with myself now, and that's something that's been a long time

comming. Sure life isn't perfect, but it's one hell of a ride,

and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Now go on...enjoy it while

you can.

2005-07-07T02:14:00.000-04:00

Warning: There may be some spoilers to the film 28 Days Later. So if you haven't seen it, crawl out from under your rock, go rent it, and then read this.

Just got done watching 28 Days Later. I've seen it before, but I feel like I've had a lot of new insights to the film. I think the first time you watch it you focus on plot, but since I've seen it before, I was able to think about it cinematically and in terms of theory. I really do believe it is the best zombie film out there. Granted, I'm not a huge fan of zombie movies, which is why I probably like this film so much. It's much more of a psychological movie than anything. I find it really facinating that really the scarriest part is the people, the men in the mannor, rather than the infected. I think it actually has a lot of ties to the themes of Full Metal Jacket. 28 Days Later seems to be examining the nature of humanity, the evil and the good. It shows examples of both, and doesn't hit you over the head with a moral. However, unlike FMJ, I think it does show that the good of humanity ultimatly triumphs. Because, reguardless of the ending (and I recomend you watch all the alt. endings) there is still a sense of hope, that someone will survive and does so with those who mean something important to them.

But I think a large part of the film, mainly the part that takes place in the mannor, focuses on the evil of humanity. My favorite part is the sequence where Jim is trying to get back into the Mannor and save the women. Not only is it shot fantastically with great use of light, sound, and camera angles, but it really makes a statement. See, for most of the film, Jim is this somewhat pacifist scared guy while Selina is the strong kick ass one of the group. But, there is a turning point for Jim. When he jumps over the fence (miracously losing his shirt), you see a new determination in his face. He becomes cold, hard, calculated. He kills without a moments hesitation. And although his motives are good (saving Selina and Hannah), for a while his becomes infected. Not with the Rage virus, but with the rage of humanity...something evil. This is illustrated perfectly when he drops into the room to save Selina. He beats the shit out of the army guy before he kills him by gouging his eyes out. There was a gun there the whole time, but he chose the grusume, dominearing, 'masculine' way. There is a shot of him, screaming, dripping with sweat and blood relishing his act of violence. It is the climax of the film, and the best symbol of the themes of the movie.

Like I said, I love this movie. I think it's a lot more than just another zombie flick. The entire film is just wonderfully shot, I do believe it is shot in digital. If you haven't seen it, I hope you do watch it even though I may have given some parts of it away.

2005-07-06T02:18:00.000-04:00

I have found what I want for Christmas. I don't even care what it's about, I just want THIS MOVIE because it has the best title EVAR!

2005-07-04T18:31:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been really great. Jenna and I hung out friday night

and invented the best/most retarded drinking game ever. It basically

involves singing the Robot Chicken song and drinking lots of alcohol.

We also played kings with Timmay, it was fun.

Saturday afternoon

my folks came to visit and we went into Columbus for the gallery hop.

It was so great. We saw Noah at his mom's opening and Ron was there

too, which was cool cause I really wanted my parents to meet him. We

walked up and down High St. going into all the galleries and eating all

sorts of food. There were street venders and performers, it was awsome!

I loved it so much, cause my parents really seemed to get into it,

which was good. I was kind of worried that Dad might not be into doing

the art scene, cause he can be a little...um, blue collar? But it was

cool, cause he actually had a lot of fun. It was a great evening.

Sunday

I hung out with my parents some more, we did a picknick and stuff, it

was great. Ususally they kinda start to annoy me when they come to

visit, but this weekend was really great.

Today, the 4th, Jenna and I went to the Doo Dah Parade

in Columbus. It was sooooo awsome. It's this parade where anyone can

join, and there's all sorts of crazy people doing crazy things. We wore

our Mardi Gras masks and our wings. Towards the end of the parade, a

guy in a truck invited us to ride with him. There were a few other

people in the truck, including a guy playing a tuba and a guy playing

bongos. So we got to be in the last half of the parade, it was so fun!

Here's a few pics from the parade, there are more in my photobucket

album.

Naked Guy at Doo Dah

Jenna in her mask

Uncle Sam

Well, after an awsome weekend, I've got a lot of work to do! Oh, I'll be home this weekend, so come on let's play!

2005-07-04T17:29:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been really great. Jenna and I hung out friday night and invented the best/most retarded drinking game ever. It basically involves singing the Robot Chicken song and drinking lots of alcohol. We also played kings with Timmay, it was fun.

Saturday afternoon my folks came to visit and we went into Columbus for the gallery hop. It was so great. We saw Noah at his mom's opening and Ron was there too, which was cool cause I really wanted my parents to meet him. We walked up and down High St. going into all the galleries and eating all sorts of food. There were street venders and performers, it was awsome! I loved it so much, cause my parents really seemed to get into it, which was good. I was kind of worried that Dad might not be into doing the art scene, cause he can be a little...um, blue collar? But it was cool, cause he actually had a lot of fun. It was a great evening.

Sunday I hung out with my parents some more, we did a picknick and stuff, it was great. Ususally they kinda start to annoy me when they come to visit, but this weekend was really great.

Today, the 4th, Jenna and I went to the Doo Dah Parade in Columbus. It was sooooo awsome. It's this parade where anyone can join, and there's all sorts of crazy people doing crazy things. We wore our Mardi Gras masks and our wings. Towards the end of the parade, a guy in a truck invited us to ride with him. There were a few other people in the truck, including a guy playing a tuba and a guy playing bongos. So we got to be in the last half of the parade, it was so fun! Here's a few pics from the parade, there are more in my photobucket album.

2005-06-30T00:47:00.000-04:00

Looks like things aren't as bad as I first thought. After inspection by Mary's dad, Miss Kitty has been declared ok. All she really needs is a headlight and a fender, so the total cost isn't going to be nearly as much as the guy at the body shop said. So yeh, that's good.

I've come up with a somewhat cool idea. I'm going to write a message in this entry to individual people, and say things that I could never/ have never said to them in person. The catch is, I'm not going to say who each message is for. It's up to you to try to figure out which message is for you. Ok, so maybe it's a dumb idea, but I'm bored so deal with it.

-You are amazing. Everything you do for me is wonderful. Thank you, I love you. I know sometimes I take too much, but you always are there, thank you.
-I've never really seen the dark side of you that you're always talking about, but I hope you know that I'm here for you. You are buckets of fun, and you really could do something great if you just try.
-You are the greatest. I know we'll be friends for life. I worry about you a lot, and even though we don't get to talk as much as I'd like, you know I'll always be there. I hope you know what you're doing with the future and your plans. You seem happy, and that's what matters. I love you lots.
-Are you gay? Not that it would change anything between us, but sometimes I just wonder.
-You mean so much to me. No matter what happens, I never want to lose our friendship. When I'm with you, everything feels so comfortable and fun. Thank you, you're an amazing person.
-You have changed me, a lot, a little for the worse and a bit for the better. Maybe I don't mean as much to you as you do to me, but whatever. We had fun, and I've grown a lot.
-You are delightful. Smile, because you always make me smile.
-Sometimes you really get on my nerves. I don't know what it is, but you just need to lighten up some.
-You are my hero. Seriously, I want to be like you.
-You need to brush your teeth. You're a nice person, but talking to you can be painful sometimes.

Ok, so have fun trying to figure out if/what I wrote to you.
oh, and here's a photo from the Columbus Art Museum. Yes, that is a jiant barrel suspended on a rope. It's ART! (makes me think of Donkey Kong!)

2005-06-27T12:20:00.000-04:00

Well, it's turning out to be a shittastic week.
I won't be home this weekend...
Jenna wrecked my car.

See, Jenna doesn't know how to drive. She has a learner's permit though. So I agreed to help her learn this summer. Yesterday was our first day out, her first time ever really driving. We practiced around campus and in a parking lot for a bit. Then I decided it would be good to take her out on a country road. We were going downhill, and went to turn right at the bottom of the hill. But she didn't break enough or something, so we took the turn wide and ended up in a guard rail. We're ok, no one got hurt. Just Miss Kitty. There's dammage to the headlight, the grill, and the frame - we couldn't open the driver door all the way. But it was able to drive back to Denison. So right now she's in the body shop, getting the minimum done to make it drivable. We got an estimate, and the guy said to completly fix everything, it would cost $3,800 which is more than the car is worth. So we're getting it fixed enough to let us drive it around. Jenna's friend Marry's dad is really good with cars, so we're gonna take it to him and have him look at it and tell us what he thinks. If there is no real dammage done to the engine and stuff, I may end up just driving around a beat up car. There's also the option of trying to get it fixed, but if it cost more than $1,000 it's just not worth it. Then again, we may look around for a new used car. I'm not sure what exactly I want to do. I don't want to drive around a banged up car and look all white trash, but then I don't have to money to get a new car. Jenna says she'll pay for it, but I dunno if she really has the money either. I dunno...it's just so stressful and crappy.

And when I called my dad, he was completly unhelpful. He was yelling at me about how they don't have the money to replace the car. Like I don't know that! I know we're broke. I know that I'm going to have to handle this myself. Mom said he's just worried about me and stressed out. Well, I'm worried and stressed too. I need someone to counteract that, not yell at me and make me cry.

I can't help but feel maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is some sort of divine payment for the things I've been doing. I know it's stupid, but that's how I feel. I'm not a good person, I try to pretend like I am, but I'm so not. I'm deserving of this sort of thing. But it scares me a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was saving up my money to try to go to Ireland next year, and now I really don't think that's going to happen.

Damn it, this sucks. I try so hard, and somehow I always screw things up. I shouldn't have let an unlicenced driver drive my car, this is my fault.

I talked to Crystal for a while about it. It was really good to talk to someone from home. It's times like these that I really just want someone from home to talk to and to give me a hug. As crappy as it is, I love that car, and I don't want to get rid of it.

Damn it, I hate being poor! I hate it! I know, I know, we're middle class, there's a lot of people out there way worse off than us. But we're definantly not rich. Mom drives a car that's even worse than mine! We're in debt, and most of it is MY education. I'm responsible for all this shit that I bring to my family, and I hate it. Dad droped like $1000 to fix the radiator in that car only a few months ago. I feel so guilty for being such a burdon on my parents. I know how much they sacrifice for me, and it's like I just keep taking from them. I hate it! I wish we didn't have to worry about money. This sucks so much! Maybe I'll try to find job somewhere, earn some extra money or something, but would I even be able to keep the job durring the school year? I don't know... this whole situation sucks, and I just can't handle it.

I'm a terriable person, I'm a fake and a liar, I'm self-centered and lazy. I'm not writing this for your sympathy, so don't give it to me. It's true. Why am I incapeable of being the person I want to be? This whole thing just sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do.

2005-06-26T11:59:00.000-04:00

I've been a busy girl this week. Elia came up here wed. and on Thursday the three of us went to Cedar Point. It was very fun. The weather was perfect and the lines were short. The longest I waited in like was 50min for the Millinium Force. It was great. The drive home was exausting though. Friday, Noah came over and we went to see Batman Begins. It's a great flick. We also did some shopping, and I now have a piece! It's really pretty - blue and red with this intricate swirl glass design on the stem and the bowl. I've named it Cassandra. Cassandra was a woman in Greek literature. Apollo taught her the art of prophasy as a means of attempting to win her affections. However Cassandra did not love Apollo, so as punishment he cursed her so that no one would ever believe her true prophecies. I think it's a fitting name.

Hmmm...not really much else to post about. Here's a photo taken through our peep hole.

Oh, and ps...I may be in BG this comming weekend. But I need to find out if Ian and Tracy are planning anything for their birthday. Cause if they are I won't come home this weekend, and will come out for their birthday. So if you know anything about that, lemme know.

2005-06-21T22:28:00.000-04:00

I missed doing photos last post, so here are some to make up for it:

Jenna being very film noir.

Denison at dusk.

Jenna yelling at me for climbing a trellis.

2005-06-20T12:32:00.000-04:00

"Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends
I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour" - Blink 182

Oh my goodness...what a weekend this has been...

Thursday night, Tracy came down. We chilled, wandered around, went bra shopping at 1am, went to JPD, and stayed up until 4 just talking. On Friday we had a liesurly afternoon in Granville, and then the boys showed up. We went to the homestead, came back, and just hung out.

Saturday was the Warped Tour. and let me just say... amazing. Simply, amazing. I got to see Tsunami Bomb, The Dropkick Murphies, The Xplosion, The Offspring, MxPx, Hawthorne Heights, My Chemical Romance, Emery, No use for a name, and part of Fall Out Boy. I took a spill in the pit at Tsunami Bomb, and now my knee is all bloody and scraped. Rob also has a scraped knee from crowd surfing. The day was so killer. The pit at Emery was great. But I'd have to say the highlight of my day was MxPx. I mannaged to get up to the very front, which is not easy at all at the main stage. I was in the pit for a little bit, but it got pretty rough, so I got out. I was right up there, literally 3 squished rows of people from the stage. We were all squished in so tight, jumping up and down. It was crazy. There was this guy next to me (who was quite the hott) and we basically were grinding the whole set. He had a boner with a capital O! it was awsome!! The show was just a complete adriniline rush. Afterwards, I could barely walk, or hear, or talk. I just stumbled out, completly dazed and delighted. It was seriously an event of a lifetime.

Another cool thing that happened was I met a very cute drummer for the band All Left Out. They're a band from New Zeland. They're pretty small, and basically they're just following the tour trying to get picked up. I talked to him for a while, and ended up buying his album. He had a CD for me to listen to, and it sounded good, but I basically just bought it because he was cute and had a pretty accent. But when we got in the car, we put in the CD, and it was actually really good.

I have also decided that I have great respect for My Chemical Romance. I've always sorta liked their music, but after seeing them live, there was something the lead singer said that made me respect him greatly. He said he wanted to speak to the ladies in the audiance. He said that we should always go to rock concerts for the rest of our lives, but not to get sucked in by bullshit bands that degrade you and make you show your tits to get a backstage pass. He said "If they do that, I want you to throw everything in your pockets at them and spit right in their face!" I like that. It's not something you hear a lot of rock bands saying.

That night, we were all sun burnt to a crisp. I came home bloody, broken, burnt, exausted, my ears ringing, my throat soar, my body aching...and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. It was amazing.

Sunday we slept a lot. J-Flo came back, and we chilled with her and played Taboo for a long time. Then we grilled out, and kicked back and drank. I got wonderfully smashed and had an amazing conversation with Ian and Rob for hours. We were literally talking until about 3am.

Everyone left this morning. I'm still recovering from everything. I need to clean, but that will get done at some point. I also have a lot of work to catch up on, but once again...that will get done.

This weekend was simply amazing. It was one that I will never forget. I had an amazing time, and I'm so glad I got to share it with my best friends. I know you guys read this, so I just want to tell ya I love ya and I'm glad you came down!

I don't ever want to grow old.

2005-06-16T11:24:00.000-04:00

REVENGE!!!!

2005-06-15T10:34:00.000-04:00

So this is going to be another psudo-political rant.

I just watched Is Wal-Mart Good for America on PBS. It's really interesting, (you should click that link, and you can watch the whole thing online). However, it is extreemly biased. They don't even really make an attempt to show the positive things that Wal-Mart has done. Wal-Mart has helped create revenue by providing jobs and by providing products at a low price - which also lowers the cost of living for lower/middle class Americans, putting more money in their pockets and in the market.

A big part of the documentary was about how Wal-Mart buys most of its products from China. However, what one must consider is that in the 90's, Wal-Mart started slipping a lot. In fact, it was on a downward decline. Their only way of keeping afloat was to go to China when Clinton opened up trade. Imagine if Wal-Mart had not done that. If the trend had continued, they would have gone under. If Wal-Mart went under, our market would have suffered an extreem blow that would have been hard to recover from. Wal-Mart is doing what is best for them, and as a result America profits.

Now I'm not saying Wal-Mart is perfect, or that their business conduct is always acceptable. I'm simply saying that there are two sides to everything, it's not pure evil as this documentary may have you believe. They are playing the market, like any company or business, and since they are sucessful, it's easy to point out their flaws. Now, they may not always play by the rules sometimes, but they're not pure evil.

On a slightly similar note: China, as you may recall, is a Communist country. However, we have open trade with them. Cuba is Communist, and yet we have an embargo on them...because they're Communist. Does this make sense to anyone else? The US embargo on Cuba is just stupid, and hurts both countries. How is it that after all these years our nation can't realize that free and open trade is GOOD and helps our economy and other countries?

Today's moral is: Think Libertarian.

oh, and here's today's photo:

Despite some gramatic trouble, I think it's a good message.

2005-06-14T20:27:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I hate men. No, I don't mean I hate men...I guess I just hate how our society caters towards men while degrading and devaluing women. It's just...sometimes I get so angry about the shit that women have to deal with. My mom says it's something that all young women go through,when you learn about the injustices of gender roles, it's normal to get angry. But she said most women grow out of it. Well, I don't want to grow out of it. Maybe that's why in such a 'modern' and 'progressive' world women still get the short end of the stick,because they stop being angry and learn to just accept it. Well, I'm not going to accept it, and I'm not going to swallow any bullshit. It's just so frustrating to see again and again how women get screwed over in our society.

What got me on this kick was our Summer Scholar's dinner tonight. Professor Suzanne Condray showed us a documentary she made. It was about The Columbus Quest, a women's basketball team who played in the American Basketball League in the late 90's. These women were simply amazing athletes. One of the women was a mom, and she brought her baby boy with her to all the games and practices and everything. Who says women can't ballance a hectic career and being a mother and a wife?

The film followed them through their first year, and as they won 2 champianships. Then, durring their third year, the ABL went bankrupt and was shut down. The film did a great job of focusing on the story of the team and their victories. But it got me to thinking about the sickening amount of money that male athletes make, while these women were barely making $30grand a year playing PROFESSIONAL SPORTS. Even now, the WNBA has yet to make a profit. The only reason it is still around is that there are powerful people in the NBA who think that it is important for women to have opprotunities to play professional sports. It just doesn't make sense. As we were watching the film, it was clear that the game was exciting, well played basketball. There's no reason for any sports fan to not be excited by women's sports too! Female athletes don't get the respect, the recognition, the media, or the money that they deserve. These women play because it's what they love, they don't play because of fame or fortune, cause it's not there. They are the real athletic heros of our time, because they represent sport at its purest and most honerable form.

So the moral for the day....support the WNBA and all women athletes.

oh, and here's a photo for you. I call it 'Less than Perfect love'.

2005-06-10T00:27:00.000-04:00

so, um i missed a day or so. not like ya'll care. ooooh...robot chicken is on. be right back.

God bless Seth Green.

So here are some goofy pics of me.

He watches me while I'm sleeping.

Jenna face, in honor of my MIA roomie.

I'm in BG this weekend, Yay!

I auditioned for a childrens theater thing today. I rather hope I

get the part. I just feel like it would be a good way to spend my

extra time, and hopefully meet some people on campus. Well, we'll

see! alright, a girl needs her beauty sleep.

2005-06-08T01:19:00.000-04:00

So it's day 2 on campus and day 2 of my attempt at a photo blog.

This is a really awsome house in Granville. It looks like a White Castle!

This tree was struck by lightening very recently. I like this photo. I think I might do something with this.

Here's some really cute kids in the park.

Have you ever noticed that whenever you do something new/different at

first you think you've made a mistake. That's how I feel right

now. I did a lot of work on my project today, and that's

cool. But I had like zero human interaction. I'm begining

to wonder if this whole staying on campus was really such a good

idea. I mean, I'm sure things will pick up soon, but it just

sucks right now. Like when I first went to BG, the first few

months were really awkward. I had even fewer friends than when I

was at Otsego, and I was convinced that it was the biggest mistake of

my life. But then I got into the drama club, I met a lot of

people, and now I realize that it was probably the best decision I

could have made. Same with when I came to denison my freshman

year. So even though this summer might turn out good...right now

I wish I had stayed home. I thought I wouldn't want to be in BG

at all, but now...I guess I'm just lonely.

2005-06-06T17:45:00.000-04:00

Well, after a few very intense weeks at home, I'm back on campus. Things at home were...interesting...but in a good way.

Friday night I went camping at the Portage Quary with Rob, Ian and

Tracy. It was wonderful. It looked like it might rain, but

then the clouds just cleared and the sky came out and it was

beautiful. The booze was good, the company was better, and the

night was great.

I found that I couldn't sleep at one point though. Everyone had passed

out, and I was wide awake. So I sat by the lake and watched the

sun come up. I've never watched the sunrise from when it was

pitch black to when it was all the way up. It was a very calming

experience. I just sat there, thinking and chain smoking.

It was like I experienced every emotion possiable durring that space of

time. I went from introverted, to sad, to angry, to ashamed, to

lonely, to excited, and finally confidant. By the time the sun

was up, I felt like I could take on the world. What I did instead

was go back into the tent and sleep. It was a very interesting

night, one I will not soon forget.

Now that I'm back on campus, it's a lot easier for me to post

photos. I'd like to post one photo everyday, just to keep myself

sharp with my photography. Of course, I probably won't actually

post everyday, but whatever. I'll get started with some pictures

from friday.

The quary at sunset, facing east.

Ian jumping.

Rob being the king of the quary.

Your humble queen of the quary.

Here's a really nice picture of the clock at the courthouse in BG. I like the orange lighting.

I've been listening to Jet today, so I think I'll end with some lyrics from Move On:

Well I been thinking bout the future

But I'm too young to pretend

It's such a waste to always look behind you

Should be lookin' straight ahead

Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on

Before we meet again

Yeah it's hard

If you had have only seen

'Cause every once in a while

You think about if your gonna get yourself together

You should be happy just to be alive

And just because you just don't feel like comin' home

Don't mean that you'll never arrive

2005-06-01T10:10:00.000-04:00

Did you know that the Medical term for a woman's genetalia is Pudenda, which is a Latin word meaning "that of which one should be ashamed"? It's a fact. No wonder women have such insecurities and complexes! We've got all of history, and medicine, and society telling us that we should be ashamed of our sexuality and that we're somehow inferior.

It got me to thinking, our out look on things is determined by our socialization. Of course, some people change their outlook when they become better educated, but the socialization is there. But what exactly is it that socialized me? I mean, I don't remember ever having some sort of encounter when I was a kid where I was taught that female sexuality is something to be ashamed of. But I've still got all sorts of complexes when it comes to that issue. Maybe it was just that, the lack of information on that issue. Maybe since it's something that was never talked about, I assumed it was something shameful. I don't know. It's all very strange when you really think about it.

I got onto this subject while reading "The Hite Report on Male Sexuality". It's a very facinating book that deals with just about every subject reguarding sexuality, ranging from sex acts to social movements. It's largly based on interviews done with hundreds of men in the late 70's. There's also one on women's sexuality, but they didn't have it at Grounds. Check out Dr. Hite's website for some more information. It's really interesting stuff.

ps. have you noticed that this blog has become more of blog about things I've learned than things I've done? Oh well, I don't think anyone even reads this anymore, so I guess it's just for my personal vendication.

2005-05-27T23:00:00.000-04:00

The sky is blue
and all the leaves are green
The air's as warm as a baked Potato
I think you know exactly what I mean
When I say it's a spadoinkle day!

Went kyaking today. First time this season! It was very nice. I love being out on the water. It's so peaceful and exciting and everything all at once. I'd do it everyday if I could.

Also did some cooking with Ian. That was fun.

Oh, I got a new camera!! It's so nice! It's a Kodak Easyshare (I forget what exact model). It's got a 10x optical zoom and 4 megs. It also has a video record function. It makes me extreemly excited to get started on my summer research. I literally stay up at night just thinking about this project. I can't wait!

Despite an overall good day, I'm feeling down tonight. I think that boredom and disalusionment have set in. That's what tends to happen when I come home. I'm ok being here, but I'm pretty sure I'll be ready to leave when the time comes.

I need to get laid...

2005-05-24T14:34:00.000-04:00

I wasn't going to post today, but I feel that I must. I actually kind of like not having cable, because it forces me to watch PBS. I must admit that I really love PBS a lot.

I just got done watching Guerrilla: the taking of Patti Herst . It is a very well done documentary on the Symbian Liberation Army of the 1970's. It's really facinating stuff, that I never knew ANYTHING about. The documentary uses a lot of actual news footage, and it's just amazing. There was a hardcore shootout that was actually captured on live news, the first time anything like that was done live. It's very facinating. And I feel like the show doesn't portray the SLA as complete nutballs. Of course I believe they were extreemists. I don't think Comunisim works, no matter how nice it sounds in theory it never works in the real world. And I don't believe in their use of violence. In fact, they weren't a 'good' radical group. But I think it's good that the film makes some sort of attempt to show where they were comming from, so you understand the situation and the series of events better. I think it's amazing the things they don't teach you in school. So my advice for the day...watch this documentary, and watch more PBS. You'll be suprised at what you don't know.