I really don't know what my problem is...
It used to help me feel better, at least for a while. But now it just makes things worse. What the fuck.
I'm so mixed up. I feel so isolated, so alone. I feel like I'm just faking it, constantly faking. No one is always happy, so why do I try to protray myself like that? I just don't know. I have no answers, just questions. It's not like I expect anyone to understand, cause I don't myself. I don't even know who I am. I'm a fake. An empty shell. I'm so confused, always just confused. Does it even matter? I mean, no one wants to be around sad depressed people, so I think that's why I put on a happy face. I have so few friends to begin with, I guess I'm afraid I'll scare them off if I open up. So I just block everything off, until something's gotta give. And when that happens, well... you don't want to know, you wouldn't understand anyway. Fuck it. what am I supposed to do? I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess this is the only way I can think to put it.
I'm not sure how I feel
Inside these days
It seems I'm slipping further
Into the black and gray.
My only way to escape
the only way to breathe
is to retreat into my dreams
I'm not sure how I feel
I'm not certain it's real,
I don't know if you need to know.
I am the monster
beneth your bed.
I am the skeleton in every closet.
I am the things you hide,
no one know's, no one sees.
Those are the things that make up me.
I thought I'd figure things out
While I was gone
Instead I've realized that
I am just more alone.
I don't need this dissappointment
The guessing who's to blame,
Let me go home
and face my shame.
I'm not sure how I feel
I'm not certain it's real
I don't know that you need to know.
I can hear when you pray,
But it won't make me stay,
and I think you already know.
I'm too strong for my own good now
I've built up these walls and I can't get out.
I am the monster beneth your bed
I am the skeleton in every closet.
I'm the things you hide
so no one knows no one sees,
Those are the things that make up me.
-Monster, by One True Thing
